Dear 7 years old Angie I am writing you a love letter.
Even if I'm an adult woman living in 2023 and I can't go back in time and change the past, we are connected after all. My inner child. We share the same traumas, gifts and dreams. You are still here and I carry you with me everywhere I go.
I know that you spend a lot of time crying, overwhelmed by moods and triggers that you cannot yet understand.
I know about those sleepless neverending nights that you thought you would not survive.
I know you want to escape from your house.
I know there is so much fear and anxiety, you are not weird and weak, those are natural reactions to a toxic and traumatic environment.
You spend so much time praying to your angels and wondering why they never answer your prayers of being adopted by another family, or at least your parents getting a divorce.
You feel so alone, burdened and abandoned. Waiting until you turn 18 is agony.
I am so sorry and you did not deserve any of it my dear child.
No child should ever deal with domestic and sexual violence.
You keep asking why and what have you ever done to deserve this.
You didn't do anything wrong. God is not punishing you. Its not your responsibility to fix your parents. Be proud because you are the first one in the family to go to therapy, be proud because you are not afraid of taking responsibility for your life.
I know that adults failed to protect you and that you are disappointed in them but I hope you would be proud of me just like I am of you. I read the other day “ the person you are now is the person you would have felt safe with as a child”, maybe I can be the adult rescuing you.
In this picture you are celebrating your seventh birthday with your classmates. Behind that smile I know you feel a lot of shame for your cheap store bought cake, your clothes, your house, your neighborhood, your parents, you feel so poor and inadequate, you are an alien on scholarship in a private posh school. The other kids make fun of you calling you gypsy, poor, loser and you and feel so humiliated and worthless. Which is why you will always do your best to be kind, because you do not want anyone to ever feel the way you felt.
I will not romanticize financial struggles, but you will value humility and recognize very quickly that people's value lie in their words, actions and how they treat each other. Be proud because you already have the gift of tolerance and empathy.
Since we're talking about birthdays, we are still struggling with birthday blues. It's not easy being a Scorpio. I need to remind myself that I am worthy of celebrating myself and my life, if not for me for you, I want to give you the birthday parties you didn't have, treat you with presents your parents couldn't afford and celebrate it with the people that love me. Maybe we can help each other.
What can I tell you about your future? It is brighter. You have beautiful journey and rich life ahead of you. You will speak 6 languages. You will study art history and be so grateful for your education. You will be a writer, an artist and a feminist icon!
I know that you are not allowed to speak your truth now but you will find your voice again and it will be your power.
You will endure and survive it all.
I wish I could hug you and give you all the love and protection you lack. You are safe now. If I ever become a mother I know I will be a good one thanks to you.
When I doubt myself, attack my body and neglect my needs I am neglecting you. When I self sabotage my dreams and happiness I am saying you dont deserve it. Why am I questioning your worth?
You are so precious and you are always enough and we deserve to live a happy and abundant life.
Finally, I want to tell you what you desperately long to hear : It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It will get better. I am proud of you. I Love you. You are always enough. Everything you need is already within you.
Ps: Yes there will a Barbie movie!
This is an anonymous letter created for the t2 x Uncommons writing challenge.
