IF

The package on my doorstep had my name, but I definitely didn’t order it", it had a note attached on top saying from Miles to Sarah, from the man I hated so much,i kicked the box to my lawn,Why did he send this to me? I asked confused,I tucked my hair behind my ear. It's been a year since he left me at the altar and ghosted me,What sort of rubbish is this?I walked to my lawn as curiosity took the best of me as I snatched the box from my lawn angrily,I took the box inside my house and crashed on the sofa. I opened the box out of curiosity, only to see pictures of us, Tears filled my eyes, Why was he choosing to spark up old memories after everything? The box contained our beach pictures, the pictures of when he came to my art gallery for the first time, I felt tears dropping from my eyes as I picked up pictures gradually inside the box, All old memories flashed back to me; it was as clear as it was yesterday.I looked into the mirror and saw my gorgeous reflection, all dressed in a white gown, bright and flawless."I look so beautiful" I said to myself. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams, the perfect man, my all in all, I was so happy,Miles has been my one person, the only one who really understands me, supported me, We have been dating for the past three years, and he finally proposed,We are getting married I'm so happy,I felt a little nervous though,but I want this so bad.

"You look beautiful," a voice interrupted, as Dad opened the door gently. "They are waiting for you," he told me with a smile."You are the most handsome man I've met," I said back to him with a wider smile. He held my hands and walked me to the aisle, the church smell was very nice,and everyone sat beautiful in pink and white,dad stopped me at the aisle where I met miles,his dark skin was so beautiful in his white suit,and his silver watch complimenting his dressing his black eyes stared into mine,his shoes and skin shining looking like a greek godI looked at him and smiled, The pastor looked and smiled at me. I stood and exchanged my vows, and the pastor said, "Is there anybody who objects to this marriage?" I felt a little bit of tension in my body and a little bit of joy that we were already getting married, finally.My thoughts was interrupted by his phone vibrating, I knew he wasn't going to answer it, because I know the man, Miles is, All of a sudden, he took out his phone and glanced at it,he gave me a weak smile, which turned into a happy smile. His face was looking so confusing; I couldn't place which emotion was going up,and then he whispered to me, "I love you," and walked out.It was all happening like a dream,or an act or a prank at least I thought. I couldn't think, I didn't know what was going on. he walked out on me,my feet went cold,the tension rising in the crowd,guests getting confused, before I gathered my sanity,he had already left the church I tried calling him but to no avail,I began to lose it gradually. One hour gone, he wasn't back. Two hours, he wasn't back. I stayed in the church, crying, texting, calling.He just ghosted me, What was all this? If this is a bad dream I need to wake from this,is this the man I know? I don't know what I was feeling, my emotions were crashing,I felt devastated.


"I tried reaching him, but he was nowhere to be found, I stared blankly into space, tears streaming down my face as the agony of abandonment washed over me again. I cried until my body ached, my heart shattered into a million pieces. I tried tracking him down, but it was like he vanished into thin air. The desperation to understand why he left me at the altar, why he ghosted me, consumed me.And now, a year later, he has the audacity to send me a box, stirring up all the painful memories I thought I'd left behind. It's like rubbing salt into an open wound. I felt a wave of anger and resentment wash over me. How dare he disrupt my happiness?
Sounds stupid but I still knew I loved him,the box,now lay almost empty before me as I have taken all the pictures out,the last content was a piece of paper, I scoffed , and picked it up and it was a note as I read it, I sprang up quickly,the truth of that wedding morning was on my hands,my body began shaking,I grabbed my keys immediately and drove to chastin memorial hospital tears whelmed in my eyes as I ran into the hospital, where is he,I demanded with tears in my eyes,my body was shaking calm down ma,a nurse came,come have a sit,I can't sit down where is miles Shaun I demanded the name I never knew I would speak, seeing I wasn't willing to be calm,I will usher you to the room ma', the nurse replied and took me to a hospital room,but there where alot of doctors in the room,with sad faces,I walked into the room, breaking with every step I took forward his face was covered already with white clothes,i drew the clothing down as i caressed the face I love the most,tears dropped freely from my eyes,I should have looked further,I should have believed you didn't just leave me,I shouldn't have left only you in this world.I squeezed the note in my hand from the box which read;Hey Sarah, I know you don't wish to see me nor speak to me again, but sooner or later you'll hear that I'm gone... forever. My heart is shattered into a million pieces as I write this to you. I have been dealing with the cruel fate of cancer, and it's been eating away at me, bit by bit. I left you at the altar, which was the hardest, most agonizing choice I've ever made. The memory of that day still haunts me, and I'm consumed by the thought of what could've been. I received a text from my doctor, telling me that my cancer was incurable... those words cut through me like a knife. And there I stood, looking at the woman who has shown me true love since I lost my parents - a woman full of dreams, hopes, and aspirations. I felt like a ticking bomb, waiting to unleash my misery upon you. I didn't fit into your perfect world, and I didn't want to ruin everything for you. You are perfect, Sarah, and you deserve so much better than me. You deserve good health, happiness, and a love that will last a lifetime. I don't want you beating yourself up over me, wondering what you could've done differently. But, Sarah, I love you... I love you more than words can express. I was willing to fight this cancer with every fiber of my being, because I wanted to come back to you, to hold you in my arms, to look into your beautiful eyes... but it's late now. My time is running out, and I can feel my body weakening. I asked to be transferred to Chastin, close to where you live, so I could die close to you, surrounded by the memories of our time together. Move on with your life, Sarah... find happiness, find love, and move on.

Only thing I could do is question myself,If only I Found you, you would have lived happily before dying,if only I didn't give up searching for you, only if..