For better for worse they say.
A marriage is never perfect they say.
When a woman cheats she is a slut.
When a man cheats the woman should pray more the devil is at work .
A woman speaking her emotions is a nagging woman.
You are not supposed to ask a man his whereabouts,but a woman is questioned like a suspect.
If he hits you his trying to correct you keep praying a man will change These were the words used to train a typical igbo girl, prepping her for marriage.
the cool breeze of a luxurious estate became stuffy to my nose,I rather take in the breeze of a peaceful village
This thoughts ran through my head as he landed blows on me,I layed on the floor blocking my vital spots, as i rolled on the well tiled and richly furnished house,I made sure through the pain I didn't utter any word or the beating would be prolonged.As he was done he stood up and spat on me, I looked at him his appearance was already blurry,due to the punches that has weakened my eye sight,I was feeling dizzy already,but it wasn't the first time, I am getting used to it,a thought I never believed I could think. my self confidence has been drowned already by him, He walked to the black ceramic sink took out his designers ring and washed off his blood stained hand,he adjusted his vintage shirt,took a hand towel and dried his hands,wore back his ring and stormed outside.
I was asked never to take off my ring,but he only wears his wedding ring when mama came visiting "For worse for worst"seems like the words I said on the altar I muttered under my shallow breath as I laid on the floor with injuries all over me,I could barely stand my once beautiful skin Is now a punching bag,I stared outside through the front door he left open.
The big mansion I got married into at lekki,the home I was lied to,that will be full of happy children ,and a supportive husband a big home he said,it is no longer a home,but a house, a roof over our head,A type of home every girl from outside will wish for, be careful of what you wish, my thoughts got distracted as my children of 4 and 5 years approached me, trying to get their mom up, it has become a usual routine,an unhealthy routine no mother will want her child to experience. my children stared at me with tears in their eyes, this shouldn't be a way to raise children,I was breaking emotionally,I was too weak to speak for them,I hugged them crying,I finally released them from my grip, the bruises were very painful,chidera my first son went to get a bowl and towel and tried dabbing my injury, the best he could do for his mom,a strong man he will grow into,he will protect his wife more than anything,he never lets anyone touch his sister,i think its cause of the trauma he has experienced,A boy trauma has grown to be a man overnight.
The worst day of my life. I still remember if I wasn't so weak,the worst day of my life,the day I blame myself till death,I was 8 months gone,as I drove to the market with my heavy pregnancy to manage the money chidi kept for feeding otherwise i would get beaten,i tried to avoid anything that will cause me losing the pregnancy or my life,he would kill me if i lost the pregnancy again,I had to drive to Lagos mainland to buy quality and cheaper things,after the inland market fight for affordable things,I came back from the market very tired only to realise chiamaka my 4 years old daughter was running temperature it was too late to go get drugs,I had to cook for him,I was such a weakling I was such a coward, I chose to cook over my child.i asked chidera to come clean up his sister while I stepped into the kitchen to cook,the young boy already understands how things are,he took towel and got to work,as I got everything for the Mellon soup ready,I put meat stock on fire,i heard him drive into the compound,i began shaking as i increased the gas,i held my stomach as I heard him walking into the house,I started shaking in fear as he approached me in the kitchen, his breath stench of alcohol ,and I knew it was over for me,as he realised the food was still on fire he began beating me telling me I want to kill him with late night food,the beating this time was much, because he was under the influence of alcohol, kicking and punching me on the stomach,I screamed out loud,I felt I have lost the child,as I felt blood in-between my thighs, this was the second time,chidera rushed to save his mom,but was swung away by chidi which sent him hitting his head on the wall tiles and passed out immediately,I rushed to chidera side,chidi didn't show remorse,he only spat at me and drove out,I ran to chidera only to find out he had no pulse,i completely ignored chidi,and the bleeding and drove chidera to the hospital, my pain wasn't affecting me,my mind was on no sign of pulse I felt from chidera hand,his pulse was gone, but i refused to believe he was gone
I have always been beaten times without number,the cruelty of an abusive husband is something most women experience,but are not so bold to cut it off,I have gone hungry, been beaten, even been raped by my husband,i can't cater for myself nor my family because he refuses me to work, graduated as an accountant,but I will agree am the greatest actress, when family members are around I act the most, like i have scripts memorized, I wore nose masks and always complained about the weather, made jokes and laughed about it, mama would laugh the loudest,why can't she see that her daughter is dying,why can't she see that am becoming a shadow of myself, chidi my husband was the the biggest actor, giving me forehead kisses,I thought this only happens in movies
I just couldn't take it anymore if not for myself I had to be strong for my children,if I have made a mistake getting married to a monster they shouldn't grow up traumatized,I sat next to the hospital bed,as I picked up my phone to call a lawyer it was too much to handle my children deserves happiness and chidi was going to rot in jail ,it took me the life of one to realise my voice,It took me the death of the strongest man I know, my son chidera for me to realise.women out there I hope you don't lose a life to realise you have a voice,i deserve to breath an air full of happiness and better chidi must rot in jail
