I was at a gathering a couple days ago with my university graduates. It is so fascinating to see many people with different ages and backgrounds. In addition, it is so impressive to witness what people are doing with their lives. Growing up, I thought there is only one ‘right’ way to live life. But then as an adult I realize every choice is a step that changes our lives, no matter how small that choice is. I come from a Technical University; but I encountered a chef, a personal coach, a teacher, a tattoo artist as our Alumni. I admire all these people, being brave enough to go for what they want outside of the norm & their education and just following their hearts instead. Then someone asked “What did you want to become as a kid? The secret to happiness usually lies there”. This question got me thinking, I didn’t make any of my life choices according to my dreams as a kid, probably I have been going on auto-pilot for a while. My dream was to just connect with people and talk to them, try to understand them, support them… In high school I thought this purpose would mean I should become a psychologist. Afterwards, I was convinced I was too good at maths and I should utilize that skill - then this dream transformed into becoming a psychiatrist as a science major student. However, this means I’d have to do 6 years of med school + 5 years of specialty; hence when the reality of life hit me as a teenager with time & money then I chickened out!
Don’t get me wrong, I am not writing these because I regret my choices. I certainly don’t regret any of my decisions, because I believe everything happens for a reason. I heard someone say ‘it is so much harder to swim against the current, try to take in what the universe is giving you and do your best with it.’ I know this is what I did and I’d do it all over again.
A friend of mine was telling a story the other day. Apparently she asked her niece before starting school “what do you want to be when you grow up?” , and the niece replied “I want to be a superhero!” As a grown up, the first thing that comes to mind is that they are not real - at least not in a way that they are pictured in films. I’d probably just laugh and ignore the kid if they said that to me. However when I think deeper, what a beautiful and pure answer and to be honest, I don’t even know what ‘superhero’ means to her! After a couple of years, after she started school, my friend asked the same question again. This time the answer was different, ‘Doctor’ she said. This makes me think, what are we doing in this education system that is killing creativity? As adults, are we so scared to dream and imagine things and then eventually we impose the same fear on the growing little souls? I am not sure why, maybe we like what we know and what we can control as adults. However I don’t think it is the right way. As morbid as it sounds, I think we are making ourselves miserable day by day with this approach.
At this point of my life, now I feel like it is time to get in touch with my dreams again. I tell myself, it should be such an exciting journey because the sky's the limit. I often forget that we only live once and we can do anything with our lives. A lot of constraints come to mind and the human brain tends to put some non-existent obstacles. How can I look at life without my adult filter and remember the kid once I was?
My non-existent obstacle is my deep down ego that is ‘protecting’ me from failing. It is sometimes easier to not try rather than failing. But then is it really living if not trying anything new or out of the comfort zone? Comfort zone is a safe but dangerous place. I remember the story of lobsters whenever I need some inspiration. It is a cycle where I believe there is so much that applies to us humans.
- Lobster is comfortable in its shell.
- Lobster starts to naturally grow and the shell gets tight, it gets trapped because of the pressure.
- With hard times & stress, lobster gets rid of the existing shell and becomes vulnerable to danger for some days till the new shell is ready.
- The new shell ends up being larger and stronger after the growth.
- Repeat!
Life goes in cycles and is also ever-growing. If a lobster was afraid of losing its shell, then it would never grow.
If I saw what I achieved right now from the eyes of my child-self, I’d be so blown away for most of it! However, for some parts of my life - I didn’t even want it deep down, I just ended up having it now I am afraid to let them go. When I didn’t even think or dream about some aspects of my life in the first place, why is it so hard to accept the possibility of losing these? On top, as humans we feel trapped into things we are not even sure we want in the first place. I sometimes think of that “Ride” monologue Lana Del Rey wrote. Some sentences really hit something in me as a teenager and still do to this day.
“I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is
….
Who are you?
Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?
I have
I am f*cking crazy
But I am free”
What did you want to be as a kid? Were you able to follow them wholeheartedly? If not, are you now brave enough to change your life to follow your happiness?