Authors Note: This short story takes from the Celtic Myth of the Dagda and his Cauldron, one of the Four Treasures of the Tuatha De Danann.
On the first Saturday of the new year, Sid picked up his telephone to hear the brogue of an old acquaintance. 'I've got a spare room! You won't be breaking your spine over an old couch pal.' These words swayed Sid and after a short ferry trip he stepped foot onto a land he had never travelled to before. The two men shook hands just as a biting gust of wind threw their collars up for them. 'Sorry I'm late.' shouted Sid. The acquaintance waved his hand in dismissal and greeted Sid with an old language. 'What does that mean?' asked Sid. "God bless you" laughed the acquaintance. 'You hungry?' Sid eyes opened not only at the thought of food but the thought of being protected from the wind. 'Yeah.' Sid shouted. 'The food on the ferry didn't look any good.' 'Good!' echoed the acquaintance. He then clasped his right hand over Sid's shoulder and guided him deeper into the city. 'Boy the place we're going to eat is the best Sid I'm tellin' ya.' The acquaintance had a precise step, which was complimented further by the deft ring that his soles made as they hit the pavement. 'What's the cuisine?' asked Sid. 'Or would that spoil it?' The acquaintance laughed once more, this time throwing his head back to expose columns of spotless ivory teeth. 'Pal you can't spoil what we're about to eat.' They crossed a street without breaking stride before he added. 'And I suppose to answer your question, it's an old, old, authentic style of food.' Sid looked over to see that his acquaintance was smiling privately to himself. It had been so long since he had seen this acquaintance that Sid had forgotten how the smile was a permanent fixture on his face. It was an expression he never had to practice or falsify for the world. Sid and his acquaintance walked a little further, crossing another street without breaking stride before the acquaintance called out suddenly. 'Here we are lads!' Sid spotted another pair of men waiting to greet them. With exception to the way they parted their dark hair, they were identical men. Both as immaculately dressed as the acquaintance, they too greeted Sid with the same old language. Conversation between the other three men burst into a fast babble which Sid struggled to understand. One of the identical men turned to Sid without warning. 'Eh lad. You eaten 'ere before?' 'No. First time.' 'Aye really?' He whistled a perfect pitch. 'What I would give to eat 'ere again for the first time.' He said softly. 'Its a spiritual experience man. Trust me. I feel lucky to be 'ere, to be a part of your first time.' 'So where is this place?' Sid asked. 'Right here.' The man answered. They all took one wading step forward. It was then Sid realized, looking up along the street, that were standing in a long line. The fast conversation continued and after a few more wading steps forward, Sid noticed his stomach had slowly induced itself into its most unhelpful form. Upon the promise of food, Sid's brain sent a signal along his nerves until it finally reached the stomach. At this point the stomach was awoken and using the same path of nerves the brain had just used, sent signals back. The stomach did so, over and over, until the roles were reversed and the brain no longer controlled the stomach but the stomach controlled the brain. It first started to conceive of any way to obtain food faster, but unwilling to resort to bad manners, the stomach started to assess anything that could break the promise of food. Sid had money, that was sure, but looking to his immaculately dressed company, he started to question if he was underdressed. In a panic he asked his acquaintance if he was appropriately dressed to eat, as they all took a closer, wading step towards the front of the line. 'Sure you are.' He answered and, without notice, took his hands onto Sid's collar to fold it into shape. 'Everyone's welcome here.'
Both the warm, salivating smell of cooked meat and the cacophony of excited conversation struck Sid's senses at once. Looking around the place, Sid saw many tables packed with assorted folk, all eating from small, steaming bowls. Between conversation, the rows of hunched backs, thickly clad with winter coats, partook in their meals with great moans of joy. Sid watched many bowed heads straighten up only to reveal tear-laden faces supported by full cheeks. Moving towards the back of the establishment, Sid was confronted by a great billow of steam rising to the ceiling. At the source sat a great iron cauldron, the unmistaken point of where the warm odour of meat emanated from. It was sunken in a square pit created by a couple brick steps. One of the identical men placed a small bowl into Sid's hands with a smile. 'All you need.' Sid watched as his acquaintance walked down the brick step, into the square, and thrust a long flesh fork into the cauldron, pulling forth a dripping hunk of meat. Using the rim of his bowl, he slid the tender meat to rest and walked away from the cauldron to secure a table. The two identical men went after the acquaintance and after pulling forth a large hunk of meat each, it was Sid's turn. Only upon reaching the cauldron did Sid notice a man of giant proportions stood the opposite side. He doubled the height of any person in the room. This giant looked cautiously upon Sid but he eventually gave way to a curt smile that was ultimately blunted by such thick stubble. The giant had dark curly hair tied back into a ponytail and as Sid looked into the steam, he saw the giants golden bracelets jingling against one another as he stirred. Sid plunged his flesh fork into the cauldron until he met resistance. Much to his disappointment, he pulled forth a piece of meat that had only been pierced by one, and not both, of the prongs. He slid the meat into his bowl and, thinking by way of his stomach, he motioned to thrust his fork into the cauldron a second time. 'That will be enough.' A deep voice said to him. 'Trust me.' The giant smiled once more as he held a hand out through the steam. Reluctantly, Sid gave up the flesh fork and joined his group. Sid's group all ate merrily, stopping often to relate their successes. 'I made a major sale last week.' One of the identical men said. 'Big bucks!' He made a gesture of rubbing coins together. 'Well get this.' The second identical man started. 'I beat my P.B. twice in one sesh man!' Sid watched with a growing indignance. His company had been gracious and kind until they sat down to eat. Now they slurped loudly and boasted greatly. The acquaintance motioned for attention with his hand. 'That's impressive, truly, but get this.' he started. 'You know that little bird working in our local?' The identical men nodded in response. 'Well I courted her if you know what I mean.' The acquaintance looked to Sid with a devilish smile and continued speaking, only to describe sexual acts committed to not only the 'bird' but somehow her sister as well. The identical men roared with a disbelief of laughter and Sid felt a shiver overcome him. 'Empty, these men were alright. Full-bellied, they're revealing themselves to be nothing but loud scoundrels.' He thought. Trying not to entertain their arrogance, Sid endeavored to hear some of the other conversations bursting around the room. 'Bright red it was, right off the lot!' 'A grand yield, 32 tubs of the stuff.' 'And to this day, I'm unmatched, unbeaten!' Sid was starting to piece together that it was not just his table that boasted loudly, but all the surrounding tables as well. 'Spiritual experience?' thought Sid. He looked down to the half-eaten, lesser piece of meat in his bowl. 'Old, authentic style?' Sid blew a sigh from his nostrils. 'Oh how I've been misled.' he thought.
It was just as Sid's eyelids were reaching a weight impossible to uphold that a shadowed figure, outlined by the moonlight, appeared at the foot of his bed. He sat up in a panic. 'Who are you?' he cried out. Not wanting to turn away for long, he quickly switched on his lamp to reveal the giant who oversaw the cauldron. It was definitely him, the rough stubble, the golden bracelets shining dimly over his wrists. The giants face was contoured by a hood and Sid noticed him to be wearing a long, dark cloak. 'What are you doing here? How did you get in?' Sid asked, considering to call for help if he did not satisfy the question. 'You did not enjoy your meal.' The giant spoke in a deep and certain tone. 'What?' Sid turned to the clock on the bedside table. Quarter to two. Rubbing his eyes, Sid situated himself comfortably against the headboard. 'No, well yes the food was very tasty but-' 'But' The giant cut Sid off. 'you left unsatisfied, didn't you?' 'No I wouldn't say exactly that-' The giant cut him off again. 'Did you know that in all the thousands of years I have hosted food from the cauldron, you are the first to leave unsatisfied?' 'I'm dreaming' thought Sid. 'Did you say, thousands?' 'I must know why you left without feeling replete all throughout your being. Tell me, were you sent from the Other World? Are you a Formorian, resurrected to shame me?' 'No, I'm Sid' he held his hands up to somehow prove it, 'I'm just visiting, from across the pond.' 'I know who you think you are but another spirit could be possessing you. It could have done so as you crossed this pond you speak of.' The giant was not leaving until he himself was satisfied, this was apparent to Sid. 'Okay.' Sid took a deep breath. 'I said the food was good, the portion size could have been bigger-' 'Every man pulls forth exactly what they deserve. You believe to know better than the cauldron?' 'No of course not. Perhaps I was let down by my company.' The giant raised one of his bushy eyebrows. 'How so?' he asked. 'Well I found all the boasting distasteful. It may have affected my appetite.' 'You don't like to hear the great achievements of others? Nor share of your own achievements with friends?' 'No its not that-' 'Then what!?' The giant was becoming impatient. 'Well one of the men promised a spiritual experience. I mean they all spoke so highly, they praised your establishment!' 'They all do!' The giant boomed. 'No one leaves without feeling replete.' The giant freed a deep breath through his nostrils. 'Apart from you, it seems.' Sid had failed to convince him otherwise and even if he did not believe it himself, it was true, Sid was dissatisfied, far from replete. 'I've come to a decision.' The giant pronounced. 'You are not whole. You simply can't be. You are no man. No complete man. The cauldron does not deceive. It never has.' Beneath his cloak the giant produced a spiked club. 'You are a Formorian spirit, one that somehow escaped my vanquish all those years ago.' Sid drew his knees to his chest and screamed for help, hoping his acquaintance would be awoken by his cries. 'Don't bother.' The giant spoke with a smile. 'No one can hear you, I've put a stop to your, time.' Sid looked to the clock beside the bed. It read quarter to two. 'I'm dreaming' were the final thoughts Sid ever had, as the giant swung the club down, cracking Sid's skull. With a couple more blows, the giant had bludgeoned Sid to death.
