"The package on my doorstep had my name, but I definitely didn’t order it."

"I know you are curious to know what happened, but don't worry; all will be revealed in due time. Let's go where it all began."

***

Someone was banging loudly and repeatedly on my door.

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!" I screamed, waking up feral as i felt my brain almost splitting in two.

I hadn't yet digested that this wasn't a dream, that I was actually back to reality. I couldn't see the black energy that was surrounding me anymore.

I started feeling guilty about yelling at someone for no reason, but as I checked out the clock, any preoccupation of that feeling vanished.

"What kind of psychopath knocks on doors at 6 am??"

I fell back on my bed frustrated, trying to recover from almost having a heart attack.

Starting to overthink, worrying about who was outside my house and what they wanted, i got up, groaning as i put on my slippers. I looked down to check the state of my appearance and thankfully I had forgotten to remove my clothes before sleep so I was wearing my casual sweatpants and t-shirt, my "indoor couture" as I like to call it.

As I grudgingly walked out of the bedroom and into the entrance, I opened the door with the last bits of energy I had left. Right in front of my doorstep the weirdest package I've ever received was waiting for me.

It was wrapped with a vintage wrapping paper, decorated with 80's flower motifs. It looked like a gift straight out of a time machine that was never given to the receiver. It had a variety of different stains on it, clearly not in a good state.

I felt uneasy. Seeing this box, I had a Deja Vu moment. Holding it with my two hands gave me a weird sense of familiarity.

I entered the living room and place it onto the table, near the sofa. I grabbed a box cutter and carefully cut it open.

Inside there was only one item, a blanket. But not just a regular-sized blanket, it was rather small. So small, it could only cover a baby's body. Similar to the box, it had been neglected for quite some time. It was dirty but had some cute patterns of animals and stars embroidered, with pastel colors varying from pink, blue, and green.

As I was holding it in my hands, I suddenly felt an electric current reaching, traveling its way up my arms and neck, and lastly arriving on my head. It felt like a small electroshock.

"That's weird," I thought, but quickly dismissed it considering how tough of a wake-up I had.

As I investigated it more, I realized there was a slight smell coming from it. Something very familiar, yet indiscernible. It wasn't a perfume, a detergent, nor was it food. It was a special smell.. maybe it could be described as the unique smell of a human? But whose?

Full of curiosity, I decided to embark on the journey of solving the mystery of this familiar item. I decided to raise it to the level of my nose. I inhaled deeply as it touched my face.

I had no idea what would happen next.

My eyes rolled back as I fell onto the sofa, completely blacked out.

The world stopped, or rather; shifted, as we will discover later.

It all started with a feeling.

Its name was fear; and it was growing exponentially.

A bodily sensation followed after it. It felt like someone was grasping my organs tightly, so hard that I couldn't move. Gradually the feeling started being more distinct, forming new words; frozen, restricted. As I was desperately trying to hold onto these feelings since they were my sole anchor to existence, I seemed to have lost touch with my body, similar to how a radio loses its signal.

I felt... completely dissociated. Was this the familiar feeling I was feeling before I jumped into this state?

The disconnection thankfully started getting weaker due to a new sensation; a faint pulse coming out of my chest, right where my heart was. I couldn't see my body, but i could hear it, i could sense it. For some reason, this gave me hope. It hurt, but it made me feel alive.

I focused on my heartbeat, trying to sync myself with its rhythm. The heartbeat got stronger, and it's sound closer. For the first time, I could see.

Fragmented images passed by my vision. I tried to make out what I saw. It was the fleeting image of a baby.

Yes, I saw a baby in a crib. She is crying so much that she has become red. Yet no one is responding to her calling. She is tucked tight with a blanket and can't move. The more I examined the blanket, the more I realized that it was the same that had been delivered to me.

I started to feel dizzy. My body was suddenly turning upside down, spinning around. Sometimes it grew big, sometimes small. All these hallucinations alternated with each other, making me feel sick.

"Why can't I feel my body? Am I dead? Where am i? What is the meaning of all this? Who is that baby and why do I have her blanket?"

The baby turned its head towards me, interrupting my inner monologue. As she kept crying, she locked eyes with me. Even though i couldn't feel the presence of my body, I knew I was crying uncontrollably. I realized that i was looking at my own eyes.. the baby was me.

My perspective suddenly switched. I was inside the crib, and the feelings of restriction I had felt at the start had come back. I couldn't talk, I could not think but at least I could feel. Maybe a bit too much.

I was overwhelmed with everything I was feeling. I felt so scared, so alone. I didn't know what was happening, I was so confused about everything. I didn't want to be here, I wish my mom would come.

And once again, I switched. I realized emotion was a catalyst, playing a big role about what is happening in this realm.

In this one, I had regained the sense of my body. I was an adult again. I felt relieved as I realized I could hold my little self. I ran towards the crib, and I grabbed my little self, holding her into my arms.

I freed her from the asphyxiating blanket, and I removed most of her clothes, so she could finally breathe. I knew that she needed a lot of contact to feel safe, so I held her tightly against my chest to soothe her.

"Nothing is coming between you and me now. I know you are feeling scared, it's okay baby. It's normal to feel trapped, confused, alone, overwhelmed. You have every right to not want to be here. It was really unfair for you to be put into this situation. I know it's frustrating, but please know it's okay to feel everything you are feeling."

The baby cried more. I wanted to do everything to make her feel as safe as I could, so I thought sitting on a chair while holding her would maybe help her understand that she wouldn't be abandoned ever again.

"I am not going anywhere. I will always be here with you, and you will always be here with me. We are one."

The baby was getting calmer and calmer. As she was sucking on her thumb, she fell asleep peacefully in my arms.

And right at that moment, I opened my eyes.

The first thing I saw was the ceiling of my bedroom, and the ceiling fan spinning clockwise, making its usual comforting sound, grounding me back to reality.

I felt a newfound sense of peace. The burdens of my past felt much lighter, almost like a feather. All of the ruminations, all of the worries, all of the anxiety seemed to have vanished once and for all.

But wait, there was only one thing that didn't make sense;

Didn't I black out on the living room's sofa, while i was unboxing the package?

I looked at my hands, yet the blanket was not there. I searched around yet it was nowhere to be found.

It seems i stayed a bit longer in dreamland than I thought.

Was this a message from my subconscious, or was it some holy intervention?

I will never know.