Dive

She walked the streets firmly, directed by the sense of knowing exactly where to go and what for. It was the end of a sunny day and the sky had a soft tone of purple, creating the atmosphere of a dream, as if that day was somehow off the calendar, floating above the weeks and beyond the 365 days of the year.

When her feet first stepped inside the store, her heart raced, so she made an effort to look calm, recalling some breathing exercises she learned with a colleague. "This is not a crime" the walls whispered while her legs led her to the attendant of the store.

-Hi, may I help you? - he asked.

-I need some batteries, please.

-Which kind?

-AA I guess.

-Alright. How many?

-Four should be fine.

-One moment.

The seller went to the shelves behind him and came back with two different brands. She chose the more expensive ones which were supposed to last longer. Yes, that was all, and proceeded to the cashier. She paid with cash and left the store wondering if she had allowed herself to signal any possible sign of the intentions of her visit to the store.

Maybe the seller knew it. Maybe one different movement of her mouth or an unintendedly way of speaking could have snitched the real reasons that brought her there. But no, this was a silly thought - everything was perfect. She conducted the whole purchase with the perfection of a serial killer: no traces were left behind. Soon the seller would forget her face. How many people does he see per day? It was naive to assume that she had left such a mark in his day or in any of the people who attended and worked at the store and crossed her way. She was just a fifty-eight-year-old woman buying some batteries at a store and if anyone there even had the curiosity to think about what brought her there, they would probably assume she needed them for some kind of kitchen utensil.

She kept walking her way home, enjoying the sunset and thinking about how people project their own boredom onto her, which made her feel safe from any assumption. A smile came to her face without a warning as her silk dress was softly swinging with the wind. She made it.

Once at home, she unpacked her newly bought batteries, left them on the living room table and took her clothes off. Wearing underwear, she went to her disc collection and put on a nice jazz compilation vinyl record she bought at a flea market around 30 years ago, which was perfect to set the mood she was aiming for. It was friday, the plan was going exactly as planned, and she opened a red wine and drank it from a fancy glass while slow dancing alone in the dim light of the night.

Now relaxed, she put the batteries in the object which started this whole adventure and faced it for a while. She turned it on and it worked. That was it, now it was all set. She would do it. The light-pink vibrator in her hand was making an invitation which she still did not know exactly where it could lead her, but she was curious and willing to open that door. So she did. When the vibrator touched her body, the sky seemed to open above her head. The feeling was immense and led to her first orgasm alone in her whole life.

-Alice, you seem so different! I haven't seen you like this in a very long time. I need to know everything that is going on in your life since the past year - her good old friend Rita seemed to always know something she didn't, but this time the setup was different.

Once with coffee and cake in hand, they sat to chat, like they did every year when they met. Living in different cities can be challenging for friendships, but they found a way to keep the proximity, trust and lightness between them across the years.

Through updates, laughs and stories, Alice managed to keep her latest adventures for herself. Still she felt there was a calling to share the depth of her feelings, so she told Rita about diving in the ocean for the first time. The feeling of being completely immersed by the water and trusting the equipment that allowed her to breath under the sea. The vivid bright colors of the fishes, the corals, the shells, the shrimps, the jellyfishes. The way the sound behaves in the water and how the whole thing was almost like visiting another planet. She talked about how her dreams changed after the experience.

-I know you for long enough now, my dear Alice. Is this maybe a metaphor for being in love?

Rita was always ahead of her. She liked that feeling and smiled, even though she didn't really know how to share what was on her mind. The sunlight touching the trees around the shop created a warm feeling of Spring. It was also spring inside Alice.

-I mean… Somehow yes, I guess. But not in the classic way of romantic movies. More like in love with a feeling, with an idea… An experience maybe. With the way I feel about life, I guess. This dive is happening more inside myself. I am my own ocean and my own diver. The researcher and the object of research. The book and the writer.

-This is beautiful. Could you tell me more directly about what brought you there?

-For now, no. But I will. One day.

Alice left the coffee house floating as if she was being led by the waters of a soft river across the streets. Each corner she turned, a new thought curved in her mind, creating movements and flows with each she painted the streets in a color palette never used before. Life unfolded before her eyes as she sailed to a new direction, sure the body would guide her through the winds of sensations, of touch, to a beautiful garden of fruit trees, fountains and colorful stones. As long as she brought enough batteries with her.