Seasonal depression is a little bitch.

Starting today, I am picking up a long and overdue fight against myself.
My little bitch self.

I am Sheeban, t/horror admin and writer. I also work on several other projects, that you will learn to know in due time (we're gon' have fun). I have struggled with my mental health for years now, with up and downs, but never a steady course. Since it all started, I could never come back to a true joy, true appreciation of my environment. Since it all started, there has been a weight that, no matter what I did, no matter what supplements I took, what time I got up in the morning... I still could not let go of. Some might call it trauma, guilt, pressure... Whatever it is, it's always fucking with my mana, you know?

Anyways at first I wanted to give you a little background on how it all started a few years ago, but it is perhaps best to let you know of those events as the series goes on, if only it fits the plot. Simply picture a sweet cocktail of trauma from being a firefighter at 18, huge breakups (+ supp. queer drama yk), and substance abuse in the past few years. You good? Let's move on !

What happened since:
- Mostly stopped the substance abuse (by myself)
- Life has then become so fucking boring lolol (raw opinion)
- So I dissociate and spend most of my time being low-energy in my house.
- All my muscles and stamina from the firefighter time are long gone
- Discovered t2 and got back to writing!
- Building an app with my friends (that will be important later).

Basically, I am now 99% sober (which is great, but it is just a first step in the journey), yet the will to live and stamina levels are far from great.

Here now comes... The Winter arc, aka Little Bitch Slayer.

Basically, it represents the action of changing perspective on the Winter season. Rather than hibernate, lock in. Focus on what matters, months before January and the hoard of new resolution fanatics. It is also a way of avoiding to suffer the season, but harness its characteristics. Going for a jog in a cold weather makes running easier as the months go by. Getting up when it is still dark toughens you up. It makes you appreciate the whole day, it grants you more hours of active life. Because no dragons has ever been maimed in your bed.
Trust me, I have tried. A lot. For years.

Y'all know what I am talking about. Even though mental health issues are a year-round fucking festival in my case, the days shortening, the cold and the overall mood of the last three months of the year are fucking dreading. It makes me wanna stay curled up in bed with a CBD joint (for lack of anything better), and witness the days go by, weak, lightheaded and paralysed. It would last until Spring, where I would find new seasonal excuses to dissociate and just watch everything pass me by. Same for Summer, Autumn... And there we would find ourselves again. It has been the same cycle of ineffectiveness, immobility and sadness. If that was the life I was fighting for, I didn't know if it was worth much of the trouble anymore.

*

An arc does not mean a challenge, it is not set in stone.

Like any character arc, there are coing to be chapters of your life where you are going to be fully locked in, ready to take on anything and anyone. And other days, where the dragon is gaining grounds, maybe even start to tear your house apart a little bit. Days where all seems lost but fear not, for even if the house is burned by the dragon... it is still here. It is still witnessing another day on Earth. Even looted, trashed, reduced to ashes, the house of your mind is still here. And yes, the dragon might come back. The winter arc prevents us from pitty crying in fetal position waiting for the next blow (and filming TikToks about it), but rather to get up and start building again. In the cold. And in the dark.
That's the arc. No story exists without a good "all hope is lost" situation.
We're going to fix that.
In the nerdiest way possible.

This may be a grim summary so far, but fear not, for I still bear a sharpened sarcasm and an unbeaten humor. This will not be a pity party, for I tend to hold those in the comfort and intimacy of my own home, like a fucking grown up. This series will mainly be focusing on how I evolve during this Winter arc: progress, small wins and epic fails. We are here for a fucking ride, you and I.

Here is what I want to focus on during this Winter Arc:
- Writing more and with a better time management
- Developing the app (we will talk about that next entry if our plan is right)
- Being more present with my loved ones (although I will not really talk about it too much on here. We're already sharing a lot, don't you think? ^^)

And those three points can (and must) be divided into multiple sub-points.

- Writing more and gathering people around t/horror means (maybe) starting videos again (?), it means that I am now an official member of the Horror Writers Association and I have to take actions with them as well.
By the way, if you like the journey I am on, please consider joining t/horror, we're basically a bunch of fun buddies with a penchant for chills. And some stories are less scary than others! If you need recommandations, comment with the type of stories you usually like and I will link you some sweet recommandations ;)

- Building and developing the app also means so much more behind the scenes. It means handling all the marketing, content creation, affiliation and decision making with my friends (have you tried to hold a corporate meeting with a bunch of neurodivergent witches and goblins, myself included?? It is the most thrilling, funny and exhausting experiences I have ever had lolol).

So if you want to see me fight to reclaim what has long be lost, against the odds of the Millenial curse, sometimes failing, sometimes winning, but always with a hint of sarcasm and an undertone of epic drama, I invite you to take part in this journey, and try the Winter Arc (aka Little Bitch Slayer) for yourself <3

Let's seek for the last (Winter) ray of light together.

Love,
Sheeban