The sea has always called me for as long as I can remember. Something deep within touching and pulling at my soul to come closer. Each day I would get closer and closer to the water’s edge. Tease the waters that met the shore each day every second lapping over each other. It was like the foam would form fingers that stretched out to grab hold of me, but never quite making it.
I would stare out at the vastness of the sea for long moments. Sometimes people would walk by and ask if I was alright, though the answer never would come to. For my mind was so far away, so out of reach when staring at the horizon ahead of me. The way the sun kissed the very edge when it left, like the longing forehead kiss we all wished for.
Small harbor towns, ocean front villages, and sailors from all over the world talk about sirens. Their cunning way of bringing weak minds to the depths of the ocean to meet their demise. The beautiful voices that hypnosis and bend the will of their victims. Their beauty is probably the most terrifying, being able to gaze upon something so beautiful it hurts.
Yet, I don't believe this is what is calling me to the sea. It’s different than having the song call for you and all the desire takes over. This is more like drowning. Have you ever felt like you are drowning within yourself? I have. I do. When the sea calls me, it feels like my lungs are filling with water. Hard to breathe. Unless I make it under the surface to ease the sting of drowning on dry land just to drown in the reality of the sea. Is this what they would call suicidal insanity? Though, I don’t want to die, but I feel like I’m dead or dying maybe somewhere in between the two.
The more I stare out into the distances towards the horizon a storm forms far out that swallows the sun but not entirely. Rays of the sun still pour out onto the town where the ocean surrounds it. Yet the rays only seem to shine here, never noticed that before.
“Ouch!” A sudden pain forms inside my head and all the thoughts and questions seem to have upset my brain. Overloaded probably. Gears working overtime in there. Stupid joke.
A crash of thunder and lightning vibrate through the ocean and gather my attention once again, my feet suddenly moving on their own. A cold shiver rattles up my body as the waves brush along my ankles pulling me in closer. My lungs start to feel like they are collapsing, and I start to breathe in deeper trying hard to gather some air. The feeling taking over me completely as I am now waist deep in the ocean waves pushing into me. Some of the saltwater washing into my mouth causing me to spit and gasp.
Inside of me cried, begging me to dive and to hurry. I didn’t quite understand what was exactly happening to me. I hesitated because the water below was pitch black and there was no sun above me to light my worries of what might be waiting for me at the bottom for the sunny rays solely stayed on the island. My fear over ran my soul. It was cold and my body began to shiver, a storm forming on the horizon creating uncontrolled swells of waves crashing in the distance that roared so loudly it was like they were right beside me.
My eyes closed as the pull became stronger and overcame my fear and dived. Only my head went under the water when a hand grabbed a hold of me and pulled me back up. Water poured off my face and hair as clumps of dark brown stuck to my face, making it nearly impossible for me to see who the person had been. A gasp released from me forming a cloud of air in between us as I messily brushed my hair away from my face causing it to slap against my back, creating a wet smack sound.
“What do you think you are doing, Jill?” A male voice rang over the thundering sounds that seemed to build up more, almost like it was upset I was unable to go fully under the surface.
Wiping away the extra water that formed in my eyes I was able to see him. A sickly pale male with short black hair, and blue eyes almost mimicking the ocean when the sun touches its surface. He looked at me with concern and anger in his eyes. I returned his look with a more annoyed expression. My eyes slanting looking up at him head slightly tilted, like who seriously pulls someone out of the water mid dive. Come on now.
“What did it look like I was doing? Taking a swim.” I replied to him, pushing my way back to shore. The waves that once pulled me in seemed to die down at his presents. My soul began to tug at me like it was sad, but never revealing why. Just more unanswered questions that never seem to get solved on this island.
“Jill, seriously. Going out for a swim in a storm?” He pointed out to the horizon where the storm’s waves were crashing into each other like an invisible force kept them from coming any closer.
“Do you not see how far it is? I literally was in no danger, Greg.” My tone took on a child throwing a tantrum. Only because this is how everyone is with me lately. It literally came out of nowhere. My dad has basically forbidden me from going anywhere near the ocean. It’s crazy that we live on an island surrounded by it but can’t go near it. Absurd if you ask me. Me and my dad have always loved playing near the water, he even taught me how to sail a boat, and fish. How is it now that everything just randomly changed? When I asked questions no one seemed to have an answer for their behavior. It’s like they all went mad at the same time.
That’s not even all of it either. Sometimes I swear there a more than one same person, like I will see my best friend, Rory, we say our goodbyes and then I turn a corner and there she is again but with different hair maybe. It’s like this isn’t even real life. Maybe I am overthinking it or drank too much sea water. I also don’t have any memories. I remember people that I see, but when I see them, I can’t remember the times we had together. Or what they mean to me some have had to remind me how embarrassing. I swear I even see shadows in the corners of my eyes. I have never been the paranoid type of person, but this island doesn't even feel familiar to me.
My mind raced a million miles an hour as I finally reached the shore with Greg following behind me. Something inside me tugged hard when he stepped beside me. It wasn't necessarily fear, but it was damn near close.
