The weather would be fair on this blustery winter day, if not for the wind, Lacey thought resentfully as she walked to her doctor’s office. The small lot was always at maximum capacity so she had to find a spot on the road and walk almost half a mile. For the most part, the walk wouldn’t be a problem for her as she loves walking, but with this weather combined with whatever was going on with her, she had been able to walk less and less.
She finally got to the door and pulled it open, perhaps too aggressively. All the people in the waiting room had all eyes on Lacey as she entered. Lacey paid no mind to the observers and checked in. This was her normal doctor's office, but it was a large one, and she was meeting with a rheumatologist for the first time in her life. She never even really knew about rheumatologists before this, and definitely hadn’t known much about auto immune issues before her symptoms started. None of that really mattered, she was here now searching for relief from the burning in her fingers and toes that has crept towards her heart since.
“Lucey” , a medical assistant called to the crowded room, Lacey realized when no one stood up that she probably meant her, and stood to meet her. They walked down a narrow hallway and went into an unremarkable room where she waited and waited. She wasn’t sure how long it would be as he was the only rheumatologist who was accepting patients and had a full schedule.
After at least 30 minutes a rushed looking rheumatologist came in. “Your labs show that you likely do have Sjogrens. It does cause dry eyes and mouth for most people. Do you have any questions?”
Lacey certainly couldn't think of many now. “Are there treatments?” She managed to blurt out as she thought of the pain in her fingers and toes.
“Well there's a couple things that have shown to help but there's nothing that's FDA approved, you know officially.” He stated as he got up from his stool. “Follow up in 6 months?” He asked while walking towards the door. Lacey jolted up, apparently she was supposed to leave. Lacey was too perplexed really to do anything else, so she followed the Doctor out the door to reception where she got a follow up in six months and one day.
The next few days were a blur while Lacey processed her appointment. She had never had an appointment with a rheumatologist before, but that was a whole lot of not helpful. She’d have to just endure the pain she supposed. There were people who had to endure more, she was lucky she didn’t have it worse. Plus she had a date with her fiance that she was really looking forward to. He was away for a business trip and she couldn’t wait to wrap her arms around him.
Lacey was running late for their date, even though they did live together it just worked out better that Kevin had driven himself to the airport, so he was going to drive and meet her at the restaurant. She got there and asked the maitre d if her party had arrived yet, not yet they responded. She was a little surprised he wasn’t there yet as his plane was remarkably on time. She checked her phone, no notifications. She got a table at least and waited, sipping at her water. Finally after an hour had gone by she called Kevin, she got his voicemail and was starting to really worry about him. She decided she was getting stood up, one way or another, so she started heading toward the door to leave for their apartment, maybe he was wiped and decided to go home first then fell asleep?
Kevin was at the apartment, but he was packing his things.
“Babe?” she queried weakly, she was feeling so tired and worn out lately, she reached out to her rheumatologist to see if that was normal for Sjogrens, but he hasn’t responded yet.
“Oh, you made it home. I am sorry about the restaurant but I needed to gather my items. I think our lives are sending us on different paths.”
“What do you mean? We’re supposed to be getting married, thats just the one path.” She retorted, certainly she hadn’t expected him to stand her up on purpose but it was malicious in fact so he could pack his things.
“I know but that was before your diagnosis, have you looked it up? It means you have dry… well all the things. Plus it's genetic and I still want children.”
“You cannot be serious, you are leaving me about something I didn’t know I had and have no control over??” She was devastated, but more than that she was mad. She was furious, how dare he do this to her when she needed him most.
He saw how furious she was and he went to her and guided her to have a seat on the couch.
“You said forever” she was so mad she even considered wanting him to change his mind, but alas here she was pleading.
“It’s not really fair of you to ask me that, till death do us part is after the wedding and I can’t sign up for this” He said, he had a troubled look on his face but it seemed fake.
“Oh wow well, if it is so hard for you just get OUT!!” She was unhinged throwing his stuff and kicking him out the door. He left and she lay crumpled on the floor. She stayed that way all night it seems, as she woke up in the morning in the same spot. She regretted everything instantly upon waking and as she stood regretted laying on the floor most of all as every single one of her joints was screaming louder than she had the night prior. Lacey looked around, her apartment, life, and health were trash and then she heard the ding of the notification. Her rheumatologist finally responded, apparently that wasn’t normal under Sjogrens, and now she has to call her pcp.
Lacey decided to take the day from work. She had enough sick time and needed to clear her head. The words rang through her head that her ex-fiancé had said about looking it up. He googled her diagnosis and decided she wasn't worth it. The same one the rheumatologist had said was minor and gaslit her into thinking she was being a crybaby. So she typed Sjogren into the google search bar and pressed enter, only to be much more overwhelmed. She went to discussion forums and found that being extremely fatigued could be a Sjogren's thing, along with a multitude of everything else. Lacey sat back on her couch and sighed, this was going to be a challenge.
