Peter was a man in his mid 30’s.
One day in the fall, Peter went for a walk in the woods. It wasn’t a good day for him. He was so overwhelmed by the brutal aspects of life that he was absolutely blind to the beauty and the colors he was immersed in and surrounded by. He was in his head, completely oblivious to the world outside. A place where infinite possibilities could emerge.
Because of his lack of awareness, Peter started to feel lost in the woods which made him anxious as the paths he took seemed to go in circles. He got desperate and scared. In an attempt to get out, Peter deviated away from the paths and started to cut through the forest instead, in the direction of where he thought was a main road.
He could see ahead that the forest was letting more light in. “There!” he thought. He got to a place with a beautiful tapestry of fallen red, yellow, orange and brown leaves that decorated the ground in a circular pattern. Peter had arrived at a truly beautiful place. The gloriousness in the colors emoted awe for him and it filled his eyes with tears of melancholy. This time, the sea of dark thoughts swimming in Peter’s head could not opaque the holiness of this place in witnessing its beauty. Peter felt something that he had not felt in years. “I guess… this is what my soul feels like”.
Peter started walking across this carpet of leaves and as he approached the center, with his heart filled with love and remembering the good things of his life, suddenly, the ground disappeared from under him and Peter fell into a deep dark pit.
The pit was several stories deep, it was wide and very dark and It had a narrow spiral staircase along the wall.
Because of the momentum of his walk, Peter fell towards a side of the pit landing on the staircase two thirds of the way down, avoiding what could have been a deadly fall.
He did fall pretty low though. He was unconscious and badly hurt.
A few hours later, Peter woke up. Disoriented, with one very bruised leg, a hurt shoulder and a black eye. He wasn’t just lost. He was in bad shape, in the dark and completely alone.
Peter tried to sit up. “What the fuck?” he cried in pain.
He closed his eyes and started to take deep breaths in attempts to calm himself down as he realized the gravity of his situation.
“What is that?” thought Peter.
It was a deep guttural sound that had with it a gravitational pull towards the bottom of the pit.
“Help!!! Help!!!” He tried calling only to have his pleas drowned out by the sound coming from the bottom of the pit.
“ Why me? Fuck you!!”
He tried shaking his fist at God but every time he did that, the gravity coming from the sound below would take him one step lower on the spiral staircase.
Night fell. By then, Peter was hungry, thirsty, in pain and disoriented. Trying to hold himself from descending even further into the pit without much success. Before he knew it, he would find himself a few steps lower. Finally, Peter passed out.
“Hey, who are you?” Peter asked a silhouette that had a light of various colors behind it.
“I’m Squirrel! I’m preparing for hibernation down here”.
The squirrel got closer to reveal herself.
“Why can you talk?” Peter asks again.
“I’m in your dream”.
“Oh, I see”.
“What’s wrong Peter?”
“I’m badly hurt in one leg and I’m hungry” he complained.
“It’s ok Peter, you’ll get over those. The main concern is that your heart and soul are lost.”
“What’s your name?” he asked.
“I told you already, Squirrel. You need to listen, dude. Oh, and make sure to follow the light.”
The squirrel fades away and with it, the colorful light.
Peter wakes up in the dark.. “That was a crazy dream”.
He tried to move.
“Ooowwww” he yelled.
Peter opened his eyes to find himself all the way down at the bottom of the pit. It was loud.
“It’s too dark. I can’t see shit”.
Somehow, Peter felt calm.
“I can’t go any lower. Is this it? Will I die here?” he thought.
Peter looked up towards the top of the pit to realize it was daytime, as he could see light coming in the small opening through which he fell when the leaves disappeared from beneath him.
He laid on his back so that he could look directly up.
Peter could not ignore what was going on in his mind. A loop that became louder than the pit sound. Squirrel’s words. “Follow the light”
After some time looking up, Peter saw some of the light reflect off of specific crystal-like rocks that formed little spots of light cascading down the pit. Less light gradually made it to the bottom, for he was in the dark, but one tiny beam did make it there across from where he was sitting.
“Follow the light” Peter kept hearing.
In terrible pain and with great difficulty, Peter started to drag himself towards the wall opposite from him. “Aww… fuck!” He strongly whispered, trying not to yell as if to conserve energy.
“Yes!!!”
He made it to the point of light. He cried. He couldn’t stop the tears from drowning his eyes. He had found a treasure. Despite it being such a tiny reflection of light, once up close, it was enough to reveal a stick and a mountain of peanuts.
Peter kept crying, this time for two reasons. Two thoughts were battling in his head. First “I can’t believe it. This is impossible. I can hear my heart, it is beating so hard. Is this joy?” The appreciation of finding a tiny speck of light in what he thought was an infinite depth of darkness. Only to be challenged by his second though “You’re such a piece of shit. Your life is shit. You don’t deserve any of this. You’re weak and you’re a liar. Your whole life is lies”.
Peter continued crying while laying on the floor, amazed by finding what could be a lifeline and depressed as he reflected on his participation in his life and confronted by the difficulty of amending it.
After a few minutes, he calmed down, ate some peanuts then proceeded to fall asleep again.
“Great job Peter!” said Squirrel.
“I’m dreaming again?” asked Peter.
“Dreamland alright. The realm of your subconscious.” Squirrel explained.
“Why are you here?” He asked.
“I’m Revelation. I’m here to reveal what’s in your heart. The things that you forgot when you lost your way. Remember how your soul felt up there?”
Peter pictured the magical place he had found in the forest before he fell.
“You need to get back up there!” Squirrel encouraged him.
“Not sure people want me there. I’m not a good man. I’m not useful to anyone. I deserve this.” Peter said his most honest thoughts and feelings for the first time, aloud.
“Not gonna lie, Peter. You kind of suck. But you won’t, if you let the LIGHT and the LOVE in. You need to get back up there.”
Peter once again imagined himself in a sea of colorful autumn leaves.
“I’m hurt. How am I supposed to get up there? And why would I?” Peter expressed with frustration and defeat.
“Start climbing to find out. Later Peter”
The dream and Squirrel slowly faded to black as Squirrel walked away while saying from a distance “Listen to your heart. It won’t lie.”
Peter fell into a deep sleep. This was his second night there.
Hours passed, and some rain started to come in through the opening at the top and a few drops were making it to the bottom of the pit, some of them hitting Peter in the face.
Peter slowly opened his eyes, he stayed still and felt the drops hit his cheek and slide into his mouth. He positioned himself to let the raindrops fall directly into his mouth as he reached with one hand for some peanuts.
“You need to get up there.” He remembered his dream. “Listen to your heart.”
“You’re not a good man.” He also remembered.
After some time, the droplets stopped falling. It had stopped raining and the sky had opened up to let some light in.
“I need to get up there.” He thought.
He used his hands to sit up against the wall, grabbed the stick that was next to the mountain of peanuts and used it to stand up.
“Awww… Fuuuuck! It hurts!” Peter cried in pain as he leaned against the wall. With eyes closed, he took a deep breath.
The deep sound from the pit started to get louder and Peter couldn’t ignore it.
“You’ve failed everyone and no one is coming to save you.” was the thought that came to him.
“You’ve failed… her.”
He opened his eyes and immediately noticed a small single point of light reflecting off of a crystal rock at the opposite side of the pit. “Follow the light” made a faint sound in his head.
Peter put the stick under his armpit to use as a crutch, filled his pockets with peanuts as much as he could, then started to make his way back across the dark pit and on to the other end. “My leg is badly broken.” his mind uttered. Then he started to sob.
Minutes later, as he made it to the other wall, the small point of light started to make visible what would be the bottom of the spiral stairwell. Peter was exhausted and still sobbing.
“Thank you.” he said aloud to the universe then proceeded to sit on the steps. He felt the gravity of the deep sound right away, but this time, it had with it, a slightly higher pitch sound accompanying it as if to create a harmony. He entered a dialog in his head.
Conscience: “You don’t deserve to go up there. You hurt people with your lies. You’re not fooling anyone but yourself. You can’t just pretend to be a good man. You have to be a good man.”
Heart: “I know… I know… I’m… sorry. There’s no excuse. It’s true, I do lie. I’m sorry. ”
Conscience: “Sorry won’t cut it this time man. There you go again… lying. No one cares about what you have to say. What are you going to do fuck face?”
Heart: “I guess I can start with not lying to myself. I love her. This has never felt more true. I need to show her. I have to get up there.”
Peter cried uncontrollably. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” He yelled.
He wiped his tears, anchored the stick and held on to it, turned sideways to lay down on one step putting his arm around the stick to hold him and prevent him from being pulled by the gravity of the pit. He looked up and saw the small opening of light.
Heart: “ I need to get up there. I’m coming, my love.”
Conscience: “Hahaha. You don’t really believe that. You lack courage.”
Peter speaks loudly. “I need to get up there! I’m coming, my love!” he felt the conviction.
Conscience: “Nah, you have to do this alone and you don’t have what it takes.”
Heart: “I have to do it alone! Nothing can stop me!”
“Nothing can stop me!” Peter cried decidedly, this time, believing what he said. A feeling he knew little of from the way he was living his life.
The deep noise from the pit ends abruptly as if someone had put mute on the world. He looks up once more. Peter felt his soul electrify him as it had felt up there. “ It wants to move.” Peter thought. He took a deep breath and sat up, grabbed the stick and helped himself back on his feet. Looked at his feet to reveal the next couple of steps ahead. In the silence he now found himself in, he heard the dialogue in his head loud and clear.
Conscience: “Alright… let’s see how far you get on this upward spiral… you and I are gonna fucking talk on our way up. It’s gonna hurt. You won’t be able to hide from me down here.”
Heart: “I’m ready to listen.”
“Thank you, Squirrel. Here we go!” Peter was compelled to add.
THE END.
Thank you for reading 🙏
Eclipsing Binary
(image generated with ChatGPT)
