The words burn on the tip of my tongue. I fear that if I let the simple syllable out, I’ll hurt her feelings. She’d hate me or think that I don’t care. She won’t ever want to speak to me again.

I take a deep breath and say it anyway, struggling to stabilize my voice so it doesn’t crack.

“No.”

The word hangs in the air. Like a particle frozen in time in a post-nuclear blast.

But it’s out. And my heart is no longer heavy.

The year is 2010 and I’ve told my friend I can’t go on a trip with her.

After what feels like an eternity (but in reality amounts to two-point-five seconds), she says:

“All good, D. I’ll miss you but I understand.”

I can’t believe it. The world didn’t end. I’m still standing there, heart and body intact.

In case you couldn’t tell…

I’m a recovering people-pleaser.

I used to do everything for everyone all the time, even if I hated it.

I stayed at jobs that made me miserable.

I stayed in relationships that made me feel small.

I didn’t realize there was another way.

Until something peculiar happened.

The weakening

I read my birth chart and found out I was an ascendant Scorpio, born just 2 days prior to the official Scorpio season.

I dug into the description of the sign and there it was - direct, honest, speaks their mind, sensitive but tough. Not afraid to forge ahead in life.

Woah.

Did I really carry that astrological DNA?

The chart wouldn’t lie - it was all there, black and white.

I decided to begin tapping into this archetype.

I started speaking up little by little.

Until it became comfortable.

And soon, I began feeling an immense amount of joy in saying NO.

Not in a mean way “no…”

But in a firm, loving, definitive way.

And without needing to give any explanation.

“Are you able to do this job for me for free?”

“No.”

“Will you come to Jessica’s wedding with me?”

“No.”

“Oh come on! Surely you’ll make an exception and eat this cilantro for me!”

“No.”

Saying No is an act of love

Firstly, of love to yourself. Because the saying is true - you can’t pour from an empty cup.

And secondly, to those you love and respect.

Once you begin saying no fearlessly, you’ll free up so much space in your life and become incredibly magnetic for the opportunities and people who are truly aligned.

Just say it. The world won’t end - I promise.