I have been in Beijing for less than two months. On this day, I was eating ice in Central Park and a few friends who came with me dispersed first; I sat alone, flipping through a few newspapers, only to see words all over the pages about the campaign against the Southwest and calling for a new parliament. I was too lazy to read those crazy words, so I put aside the newspaper and looked up. I saw a man and a woman in front of me, with the man holding a child and the woman holding a three or four year old child in her hand. I think that man has a good face and appearance. When I looked at him carefully, I saw that he was wearing an old official veil long shirt, with a very old look on his face and a slightly bent back. Because he was holding a child, his back looked even more curved. He saw me and also carefully examined me. I didn't dare to greet them, so they went over. After walking a few steps, he handed the child over to the woman. He came back and asked me, "Aren't you Xiao Shan?" I replied, "Exactly. Aren't you Zhu Ziping? I almost can't recognize you anymore!" He said, "I'm Ziping. We haven't seen each other for eight or nine years. You're still in your prime, but I've become an old man. No wonder you dare not greet me
I asked him to sit down, but he refused, saying that his family had been sitting in the back for a long time and needed to go back and prepare dinner. I said, "You are now a blessed person with many children. No wonder you have to call yourself an old man." He sighed and said, "You see how embarrassed I am, and you still make fun of me? I only found out about your return to China this year when I saw my brothers Bao'an Zhongshi last month. You are a philosopher, and I have a question to ask you. I have asked many people, and they all said I have a mental illness and don't pay much attention to me. You tell me your address, and I will come to see you tomorrow. There's no time to talk today
I told him my address, and he hurriedly caught up with his wife, took the child, and went out together.
As I watched them go out, I thought to myself: Zhu Ziping was once considered a very arrogant person among our classmates, why has he become so destitute now? Seeing him meet an old classmate whom he hasn't seen for many years and ask questions as soon as he speaks, no wonder people say he has a mental illness. But I don't know if he's crazy because he's down and out? Or is it because of having a neurological disorder that leads to poverty
Early the next morning, he indeed came. He is only one year older than me, thirty years old this year. But he already has many white hairs on his head. To outsiders, he appears to be at least a decade older than me.
I asked him what question. He said, "In the past few years, there hasn't been a day when I haven't asked myself, 'Why is life in this world?' I've been thinking about it for years, and the more I think about it, the more I can't figure it out. No one among my friends can answer this question. At first, they gave me the nickname 'philosopher,' but later they even called me Zhu Madman! Xiao Shan, you are a knowledgeable person. Please tell me, why is life in this world
I said, "Ziping, there is no answer to this question. People nowadays are most afraid of someone asking them this question. Proud people will be disappointed when they hear this question, and unhappy people will go crazy when they think about it. They are smart people who don't want to be disappointed, and they don't want to go crazy. That's why they gave you this crazy nickname. That's all. - I want to ask you, why did you think of this question
He said, 'It's been a long time, I'm afraid you won't like to hear it.'
I said I love listening to it the most. He sighed, lit a cigarette, and spoke slowly. The following are his words. In the year we left the higher education institutions, you went to England, and I returned to my hometown. I fell seriously ill for a full eighteen months. When I recovered, it was the Xinhai Revolution that wiped out my shop in Hankou. Our family's livelihood gradually became difficult, and I couldn't come out to seek help. At that time, a group of old classmates from Bao'an Shisheng were all in Beijing, and I wrote to them asking them to find something to do. Later, they wrote to me, saying that Mr. Chen, the former teacher of the higher education institution, promised me to teach his grandson. When I arrived in Beijing, I lived with the Chen family. Mr. Chen taught at the university and also worked as a Chinese teacher for women's education, earning money for a month. There are many, but neither of his two sons are successful. The old man is very angry and wants to educate his grandchildren to become adults. But he teaches two books alone, how can he have time to teach children? You know that both Bo'an and I are his proud students, so he asked me to go and gave me twenty yuan a month. He was afraid of the house and food he lived in, but finally his old gentleman's kindness. Half a year later, he told me he wanted to act as a matchmaker for me.
It's about his daughter of the same year, who is currently studying at a women's normal school and is about to graduate. I have seen that woman once or twice, but she is very simple and steady. But how can I support my family with 20 yuan a month? I replied to him with this meaning, thanking him for his kindness. The old man was a bit unhappy and didn't say anything at the time. After a few days, he invited Brother Bian Zhongshi to his house and asked them to persuade me to engage in this marriage. He said, 'I am aware of Ziping's family affairs.'. His family has been passed down for three generations, and the matter of succession cannot be delayed any longer. A young man in his twenties, where is there nothing to do? Are you still afraid of not being able to keep your wife alive? The marriage I acted as a matchmaker for him couldn't be better. The woman will graduate this year and can also teach at the local Mongolian nursing home after graduation. I have already introduced her. Although the money in the nursing home is not much, it can still provide some support for household expenses. When he was afraid of not having enough, I asked him to do the thirty yuan for the girls' school. I am an old man, and the university is already busy enough for me. You can see that I, as a matchmaker, have done my best to serve you "Brother Bo'an said this to me, how can I refuse? I had to write to my mother. My mother replied with many words, 'There are three generations of single biographies of unfiliality, and there is no future.' He also said, 'You are a little popular with Mr. Chen for his kindness. You should be grateful for it. How can you be ungrateful?" "I read the letter and knew that my mother was very unhappy because I refused to marry in recent years. This time it was just a matter of complaining. I thought carefully that as a Chinese, my wife can't refuse to ask for it, so I had to give it up." I'll go. Find Bo An Zhongshi and say that I promise to make the marriage, but I have no savings now, and I will get married in a year or two. They went to see the old man, and the old man said, 'The girl is twenty-three years old this year, and her father really wants to marry his daughter early so that he can marry his youngest son. You can go to Ziping and tell him to get married when the girl graduates. The ceremony should be simple and not expensive. He wants to use wooden furniture, which I don't need here, so he can move in and use it. We can invite another job for him, which will be enough.' "They came to tell me, and I had nothing to refuse, as long as I agreed. After three months, I rented a small house and prepared to get married. The old man gave me some broken furniture, and I bought one myself. Point. Some people initiated a public offering and sent me a congratulatory gift of over sixty yuan, which was only enough for me to make two sets of clothes for the women's family. That's it. When I got married, I borrowed several tens of yuan to barely get the wedding done.
You haven't experienced the life of marriage yet. To be honest with you, the first year of our marriage was indeed a very enjoyable one. My wife is extremely gentle and knows my hardships. We never spend a penny recklessly. We only have one mother. During the day, I attend Chen Lao's private tutoring, in the afternoon, I teach at a female teacher's school, and she teaches at a nursing home. At night, when we get home, we make two hometown dishes ourselves, have dinner, chat for a while, I revise my papers, and she sits with me doing some needlework. Sometimes I make some text to sell to the newspaper, and sometimes I don't sleep until late at night. He is afraid that my body will be too tired. Every night at twelve o'clock, she takes my ink cartridge paper. Put away all the pens, blow out the light, and don't let me write anymore. "Xiao Shan, this kind of life does have a kind of joy. But within seven or eight months, my wife fell ill and vomited heavily. We guessed it was a good news and asked the doctor to come and see. The doctor said it was probably a good news, so I quickly wrote a letter home to make my mother happy. The old man was indeed very happy. He had someone write a letter to explain many ways for pregnant women to take care of their health, and also made many clothes and hats for children to send over. The due date is approaching. She cannot attend classes and has hired several classmates to take her place. I have hired an old mother and need to prepare a lot of necessary supplies for childbirth. It is easy for me to give birth to a boy. After giving birth, my wife's health is not good enough and she cannot afford to hire a wet nurse. Our family's income has been reduced by more than ten yuan per month, and we have added a few people to pay for meals and work. The burden on the family is not easy. After a few months, my wife's body has recovered and she still goes to class, but she is worried about the child and feels very inconvenient. Looking at the face of the ten yuan, we can only endure it. Unexpectedly, Mr. Chen suddenly suffered a stroke and fell ill together. He couldn't speak and soon died. His two precious sons divided up all the savings of the old man and rushed home to divide the land, bringing back my three elementary school students. I lost twenty yuan in income and was looking for something to do when suddenly the principal of the girls' school changed again. When the school started the following year, he did not send me a letter of appointment. I asked an acquaintance to tell me that my discussion was too remote and it was inconvenient to teach at the girls' school. I was angry and didn't bother to beg him anymore. Bo'an was a member of the House of Representatives at that time and gained some attention in Congress. I entrusted him with finding a way. He asked Mr. Chen's friend to recommend me to work as a clerk at the university, earning thirty yuan a month. We had to work harder ourselves and quit the wet nurse and the hired old lady. I only eat meat three or four times a month, and when someone invites me to drink, I refuse because I have eaten from someone and cannot refuse. I haven't been to the theater for over four years.
But no matter how much we save, the problem is not enough. After a year, another child was born. This time, my wife will breastfeed him herself and not hire a wet nurse. But our own milk was not enough, so we used tofu paste from Kaicheng Company to replace it. Children refused to eat it and died before the age of one. My wife is crying like something. I remember that my child's death was all due to the inability to afford a wet nurse, and my wife was too frugal and refused to eat anything nourishing, so the milk supply was even less. I see my wife sad, and I feel really sad in my heart. Later on, the situation worsened year by year, and my situation became even tighter with each passing year. My wife dropped out of school too much due to poor health, and the authorities at the nursing home were quite suspicious. My wife was also a bit stubborn and decided to resign. I wanted to find something else to do, but couldn't find it for a while. Beijing is a place where you can easily find a 300 meter wide envoy. If you want to find a small thing worth twenty or thirty yuan, it's even harder than reaching the sky. When the two banks of China Communications Construction stopped cashing out, my monthly 30 yuan bill was even more insufficient. The more the value of the ticket decreases, the greater my eldest child's ability to eat. Last winter, I gave birth to another girl, the one you saw me holding yesterday. I asked Bo'an to meet with the university president and ask him to increase my salary. The president knew that I was serious about my work and added me a ten yuan ticket, which was a total of forty yuan, with a 30% discount and a total of forty-seven and twenty-eight yuan. Please calculate for me. The rent is six yuan per month, the food is fifteen yuan, and my mother's wages are two yuan, which is already thirteen yuan. There are only five big coins left, and only sixteen cents of the ocean is allocated as pocket money every day. I don't even have money for making clothes, let alone reading newspapers and buying books. Although there are books and newspapers in the university library, I am busy all day long. After finishing work, I have to rush home to take care of my family and children. Where do I have time to read books and newspapers? I set aside some time tonight to work on some novels, hoping to earn some moneyA piece of money. My wife has never allowed me to write after twelve o'clock, and now she doesn't care about me anymore. She knew we were in a situation where we couldn't make a living without finding two extra dollars, so I had to stay up until two or three o'clock. But now there are more people selling literature, and I don't have time to read books. I rely solely on racking my brain and digging my heart, without a source of financial aid ideas. The things I make are all done hastily in my busy schedule. Where can there be good things? So often I can't afford the price, and sometimes when the original manuscript is returned, I make some modifications and send it to someone else. The day before yesterday, I easily sold a novel for five yuan, so my whole family went to Central Park yesterday. We never went there last year. I wake up at five o'clock every day, and in winter at 6:30, I sneak a half-hour nap against the table after lunch, working until late at night. What are you busy with? I want to eat, my wife wants to eat, and I have to feed the children - all I'm busy with is this one thing! I go to college every day and come back on foot. This is my gymnastics, not only can it save me money, but it can also give me some time to use my thoughts, so that I can think about the layout of the novel and the problems of life. One day, my brother-in-law came from the south and I wanted to invite him to a restaurant. We didn't have any money at home, so I went to ask my colleagues for a loan. Those colleagues were also equally poor as me, so who had the money to lend to? I walked home empty handed, lost in thought on the way, and suddenly came up with a big question: 'What is life all about?' I thought and walked away, lost in thought, and stood under a willow tree on the north bank of the river, watching the shadows of the trees in the water for two hours. When I woke up and walked home, it was already dark and the guests had been gone for half a day! Since that day until now, there hasn't been a day when I don't want this question. Sometimes, I shout from my sleep, 'What is life all about?' Xiao Shan, you are a philosopher. Is raising a wife and feeding children like me a lifelong commitment
