心理学家研究发现,在人际交往中存在一些基本的准则,这些准则的掌握将有助于你在人际交往中获得良好的收益。当我们遵照这些法则行事的时候,我们就能增加自己的关系账户上的财富。

1.尽可能鼓励别人。你要称赞他获得的成果——即使是很小的成功。称赞如同阳光,缺少它我们就没有生长的养份。你的称赞永远都不会多余。

2.你要在任何时候都让别人保留脸面。不要让任何人感到难堪,不要贬低别人,不要夸大别人的错误。

3.在别人背后只说他的好话。如果你找不到什么好话说,那你就保持沉默。

4.仔细观察别人,那样你就会发现他做的好事。当你表示赞许的时候,你要充分说明理由,这样你的称赞就不会有谄媚之嫌。

5.你要经常引用别人高尚的思想和动机。每个人都希望被别人认为是宽宏而无私的。如果你希望别人有所改善,那么你就做出仿佛他已经拥有了这些优良品质的模样。那样,他会尽一切可能不让人失望的。

6.你尽可能不要批评别人,不得不批评的时候也最好采取间接方式。你要始终对事而不对人。你要向对方表明,你真心喜欢他也愿意帮助他。你永远也不要以书面形式批评别人。

7.你要允许别人偶尔自我感觉良好。你不要吹嘘,而要承认自己也有缺点。你要谦虚谨慎戒骄戒躁。如果你想树敌,你就处处打击别人。如果你想得到朋友,你要得饶人处且饶人。

8.当你犯了错误的时候,你要及时道歉;当你要受到指责的时候,你最好主动负荆请罪。

9.你要多提建议,而不是发号施令。这样做,你可以促进合作关系,而避免引发矛盾。

10.当别人发怒的时候,你要表示理解。他人的怒火常常只是为了引起你的注意。你要给予别人足够的同情和关注——他们需要这些。

11.你要尽可能少说话。你要给别人诉说的机会,而自己甘做一个好的听众。

12.你要让别人相信,主意来自他自己。好主意不在乎其主人是谁,而每个人都情愿相信在按照自己的意愿行事。海洋是溪流的国王,因为它可以广纳百川。

13.你不要打断别人的话,即使当他说错了的时候。当他心里还有事的时候,是不会耐心听你述说的。

14.你要试着从别人的立场上分析事情。印第安人说过:“首先要穿别人的鞋走上一段路。”你不要忘了问自己:他这样做是出于什么原因?理解一切意味着宽恕一切。

15.你不要总是有理。你可以比别人聪明,但是你不要告诉对方。你要承认也许是自己错了——这样可以避免一切的争吵。

16.常常赠送一些小礼品——可以没有任何理由的,寻找让别人快乐的途径。在礼物上花费的精力表明了你在他身上花费的心思。

17.在发生矛盾的时候,你要保持镇静。你首先要倾听对方的意见,努力寻找双方的一致之处,你还要用批评的眼光看待自己,向对方保证考虑他的意见,并对他给予自己的启发表示谢意。

18.你要对别人表示真正感兴趣。你要将此作为自己的口号:对别人感兴趣,而不是自己显示出有趣。你要表示自己正在思考帮助对方的方法。

19.保持微笑。没有比那些从不对人微笑的人更需要微笑的了。

20.要始终称呼对方的全名。这表明你对他的尊重。每个人都愿意听到自己的名字,这比听到任何一个名字的代替品都更让他高兴。当然,为此你要努力记住对方的姓名。

21.你要学会从对方的角度来看待事物。你要问自己:真正需要的是什么?我如何能够让他得利?

22.你要想办法使自己在和每一个人谈话时,包括在电话中,都让对方有好的感觉——首先是对他自己,然后是对你的行为,最后是对你。

23.要尽快宽恕别人,不要记仇。

24.当你想到对方时,要给予他你最好的祝愿。

当然,我们不可能一下子将所有这些法则都掌握透彻。也许没有人能永远遵守所有这些法则。但是,尽可能让自己达到这样的理想状态是有益的。

心理学家建议,执行这些法则,并不以你对别人的爱为前提。这些行为的目的是加强目前的感觉——但有时也是为了唤醒一种感觉。宽容是执行这24条法则的必要前提。我们对一个人的兴趣越大,越愿意理解他,我们就会对他越宽容。

有些人使用其中的几条法则是为自己的目的服务,不符合法则的本质。长此以往,你的做法会对你自己和他人都产生不利的影响。这里的法则不是为了短暂的敷衍。当植物枯萎的时候,人们不会给它涂上绿颜色来使它显得漂亮,而会给它浇水,精心照料它。怎样给别人提供他们所需的东西,正是24条法则要告诉你的。

Psychologists have found that there are some basic principles in interpersonal communication, and mastering these principles will help you achieve good results in interpersonal communication. When we follow these rules, we can increase the wealth in our relationship accounts.

1. Encourage others as much as possible. You should praise his achievements - even small successes. Praise is like sunshine, without it we have no nourishment for growth. Your praise will never be excessive.

2. You need to keep someone's face at all times. Don't embarrass anyone, don't belittle others, and don't exaggerate their mistakes.

3. Only speak well of others behind their backs. If you can't find anything good to say, then keep silent.

4. Carefully observe others, so that you will discover what they have done well. When you express approval, you should fully explain the reasons, so that your praise will not be seen as flattery.

5. You should frequently quote the noble thoughts and motivations of others. Everyone hopes to be perceived by others as generous and selfless. If you want others to improve, then make it seem as if they already have these excellent qualities. That way, he will do everything possible not to disappoint people.

6. Try not to criticize others as much as possible, and when you have to criticize, it's best to use indirect methods. You should always focus on things rather than people. You need to show the other person that you genuinely like them and are willing to help them. You should never criticize others in written form.

7. You should allow others to occasionally feel good about themselves. Don't boast, but admit that you also have shortcomings. You should be humble and cautious, guard against arrogance and impatience. If you want to make enemies, hit others everywhere. If you want to get friends, you have to be kind and forgiving.

8. When you make a mistake, you should apologize in a timely manner; When you are about to be blamed, it's best for you to take the initiative to apologize.

9. You should provide more suggestions instead of giving orders. By doing so, you can promote cooperative relationships while avoiding conflicts.

When others are angry, you should show understanding. The anger of others is often just to catch your attention. You need to give others enough sympathy and attention - they need it.

11. You should speak as little as possible. You should give others the opportunity to speak, and be willing to be a good listener yourself.

12. You need to make others believe that the idea comes from themselves. A good idea doesn't care who its owner is, but everyone is willing to believe in acting according to their own wishes. The ocean is the king of streams because it can accommodate a wide range of rivers.

13. Don't interrupt others, even when they say something wrong. He won't patiently listen to you when he still has something on his mind.

14. You should try to analyze things from the perspective of others. The Native Americans once said, "First, wear someone else's shoes and walk a distance." Don't forget to ask yourself, "What is the reason for doing this?"? Understanding everything means forgiving everything.

15. Don't always be reasonable. You can be smarter than others, but don't tell them. You have to admit that you may be wrong - this can avoid all arguments.

16. Often give small gifts - you can find ways to make others happy without any reason. The energy spent on the gift indicates the effort you put into it.

When conflicts arise, you need to remain calm. You first need to listen to the other party's opinions and strive to find consensus between both parties. You also need to view yourself with a critical eye, ensure that your opinions are considered, and express gratitude for the inspiration he has given you.

18. You need to show genuine interest in others. You should use this as your slogan: be interested in others, not show interest in yourself. You need to express that you are thinking about ways to help the other person.

19. Keep a smile. There is no one who needs to smile more than those who never smile at others.

20. Always address the other person by their full name. This shows your respect for him. Everyone is willing to hear their own name, which makes them happier than hearing any substitute name. Of course, you need to make an effort to remember the other person's name for this.

21. You need to learn to view things from the other person's perspective. You have to ask yourself: What do you really need? How can I make him profit?

22. You need to find a way to make yourself feel good when talking to everyone, including on the phone - first towards yourself, then towards your actions, and finally towards you.

23. Forgive others as soon as possible and do not hold grudges.

24. When you think of the other person, give them your best wishes.

Of course, we cannot master all these rules thoroughly at once. Perhaps no one can always abide by all these rules. However, it is beneficial to strive for such an ideal state as much as possible.

Psychologists suggest that implementing these rules is not based on your love for others. The purpose of these behaviors is to strengthen the current feeling - but sometimes it is also to awaken a feeling. Tolerance is a necessary prerequisite for implementing these 24 rules. The greater our interest and willingness to understand a person, the more tolerant we will be towards them.

Some people use several of these rules to serve their own purposes, which does not conform to the essence of the rules. Over time, your actions will have adverse effects on both yourself and others. The rules here are not meant to be brief and perfunctory. When a plant withers, people do not paint it green to make it look beautiful, but rather water it and take good care of it. How to provide others with what they need is exactly what the 24 rules are going to tell you.