If there is any regret in my life, it is that I personally ruined my own marriage. For love, I have had it, I have been happy, but in the end, I hurt him, someone I love. Mr. Qian Zhongshu truly spoke the true meaning of marriage in one word: those inside the besieged city want to come out, while those outside the besieged city want to go in. As he said, now he wants to go out because I can't give him what he wants in the besieged city.
I registered our marriage on December 28th, which I specifically chose. Because I saw an example of a happy marriage on December 28th, I was very envious, so I chose that day. Although it rained that day, and in that rain, he and I had an argument for some reason, which was very unlucky, right? Finally, he got angry and said, "Are you still making noise?"? If you want to get married, go ahead. If you don't get married, forget it. I had to follow him to the registration office. Get that red notebook, open it and take a look, the serial number is so good. At that time, I admired perfection.
After getting married, K had a happy period of time. It was tiring to decorate the house, and there were also disputes and arguments. However, we now have our own small nest, and our goals in our hearts have come closer. Perhaps I have been more influenced by love letters and Qiong Yao dramas, believing that marriage should be a man doting on a woman, making her act spoiled, and making her feel happy and loved. I also go to ask him like this. I found a small notebook to record every little detail of our small family, and agreed that everyone would record their happy moments on it, so that they could show it to their children and grandchildren in the future and make them feel the love between us. That little notebook did indeed record a lot of happiness, but gradually, I didn't know who to start from and neglected to write. For this reason, I am unhappy with him again, feeling that he does not love me and does not manage our marriage well. But at that time, when we finished arguing, we were satisfied with each other on ML.
During this time, my mother had another unpleasant time with him, even forcing me, who was pregnant, to choose one of them. At that time, listening to their arguments, I felt very painful in my heart. One was my biological mother, and the other was the man I spent my whole life with. It was so difficult for me! That day, hearing him swing the door and leave, I couldn't help feeling so sad in my heart.
I'm pregnant and don't let him touch me. It seems like I remember online saying that having sex can make a child look bad. I absolutely protect this baby in my heart, so he was ignored. Many times, he wanted to come over and touch me, and I shook his hand. He felt very uncomfortable, and I had no choice. For the sake of the next generation, my mother-in-law has come to help me tidy up this house. My mother-in-law is very kind and has a good temper. Everyone says it's my blessing. But because he is from another city, when his relatives came to my house, I made a mistake again. I didn't give him face, but wanted to help his relatives book a hotel outside. But it's not a matter of money, it's me who saved his face. That time, I deeply hurt him.
Later on, perhaps due to not receiving warmth from me, I always used my own emotional scale to measure his dedication to me. He began to feel distressed and started chatting online. Slowly, he had a great conversation with a girl, and I realized it, feeling extremely angry. When I heard the girl say in person that she and I loved each other, my feelings collapsed. At that time, I was still three months away from my due date. In a fit of rage, I proposed to break up, trying to force him to admit his mistake and make him love me. But I was wrong. He accepted the divorce and remained firm. Now, I panicked and realized that he had penetrated into my life, my body, my bone marrow, and I loved him deeply. I begged him, but he refused. I asked my elders to talk to him, but he still refused. However, he still cared about me and my baby. When the doctor informed me that there was too much amniotic fluid and requested early hospitalization, he and I had almost reconciled, and I began to learn to treat him and his family gently. Starting to accept everything about the man I love from the bottom of my heart, except for the principle I have always adhered to, which is that he cannot have any dealings with other women.
Bao Bao was born, so happy that he felt proud to be a father. He held onto the little thing, and even captured her crying as a commemoration. I have kept the registration card from the hospital at the time of the baby's birth, as well as the wristband worn by the baby's little hands. She is the result of our love and proof of my love. I had a natural delivery and was given oxytocin during childbirth. The pain made me scream and bring in all the doctors from the neighboring ward. But I am worth it, if there is another time, I will still choose to go through the pain of giving birth.
Not long after giving birth, I fell seriously ill and stayed in the hospital for two months. Every day after work, he came to accompany me. At that time, he was the only one in my world. Every time he left, I tried my best to send short messages, and I kept every reply from him. I looked at it again and again. When I couldn't put it on my phone anymore, I copied it back to my notebook and kept it with me. He bought me books, made me laugh, and made me feel happy because this illness is too dangerous. And for me, he gave up the opportunity to study and could only start working to earn money.
After falling ill, I had a strange and fragile personality. I started taking medication and became very unattractive. I couldn't have sex with him, so he came over. That period of time was also an unforgettable experience in my life.
K has started working, and gradually, there are still arguments between me and him. Every time we argue, I hope he can listen to me. I think in life, I am smarter than him and can live a better life. He made a mistake, so I blamed him. Slowly, he stopped arguing with me. When he had objections, he just remained calm and didn't speak. At that time, I just thought he recognized my abilities. But vaguely, I feel in my heart that he doesn't love me, or rather he doesn't care about me. Let me gradually have the shadow of unhappiness. I began to pay attention to his words and actions to prevent him from having any issues of principle. He always chats online, and I blame him for causing trouble. He says in distress that he is unhappy and wants to talk to a stranger. He can't do anything and won't do anything to others. But I'm afraid, I'm afraid the past will repeat itself, I'm afraid I'll lose him again, and I'll force him not to chat, force him to speak to me, or we'll break up. But this time he didn't make a statement, didn't speak, and always turned his back to me and faced the computer. I'm sad. I ran away from home and said I need to think carefully. My friend's words made me reflect slowly. I knew I was not good to him, and the way I loved him was unbearable. In fact, I forced him to search for emotional outlets online. All of this is caused by me.
But now, it's no longer useful. He insists on breaking up, saying that sooner or later he will part ways, and he wants to find true love. Being with me, he is not happy, he wants to find the right love for him.
So, I had the biggest regret of my life. I understand that I didn't treat marriage well, and I didn't take good care of myself. Love him, but don't give him what he wants.
God, if there really is a miracle, please let him care for me again. I will love him well and use the way he needs. If there is no miracle, please give him happiness. At the ends of the earth, my blessings go to him.
