CHAPTER ONE
His skin is smooth, like duck feathers on top of a pillow and staring at his radiant, sun kissed hue makes me long to caress his face. He lets a soft snort escape from his slightly opened mouth. If I could stay here in this bed forever, I would be the happiest woman to have ever lived. I stare down at his broad shoulders; our bedsheets are covering the skin of his chest.
His hair is messy, mousy brown and slightly longer than it usually is. He needs a haircut. His name is Ksawery, but everyone calls him Kai, he is my husband. His real name comes from
Poland, which is his mother soil. We have been married for nine months now. Although his face is that of an angel, he still doesn’t allow me what I pray for. I thought I would be pregnant sometime this year. That’s the whole point of marriage, right? Or so I thought. I sigh and roll over in my space, turning my back on him. I don’t want to be ungrateful. Many
women would love to be in my position right now, but I am twenty-nine and although I have a lot of time, I still can’t help but worry that time might escape me. Just the other day I turned
eighteen, or so it feels like when you begin to realise how quickly time moves. Aging is like a slippery snake, although it looks beautiful it’s often hard to hold. I sigh again. I must pull myself away from my bed, my husband, and my mid-life crisis soon. I need to go to work in an hour. I work as a nurse in a private hospital around a twenty-minute drive away from where I live in Honolulu, Hawaii. My husband Kai isn’t working today and right now I
despise him for it. I will tell you a secret; my favourite days are the ones which I get to spend in bed alone. I love my husband, but when he is not around, I allow the loneliness to
overcome me.
I finally allow myself to pull the sheets away from my body and daintily get out of bed. I look at Kai once more before finding my way to the bathroom. I start running the hot water for my shower and then I get undressed. I stare at myself in the mirror, and I am disappointed in what I see. I am perfectly toned and slim, I have no weight to carry. I tear myself away from my reflection and get into the shower. I don’t spend nearly as much time as I would like however once I am clean, I get out and put on my uniform. When I return to my bedroom, Kai is awake. He is sitting upright in bed on his phone and whatever he is looking at has him smiling.
“Good morning, Kai.” I greet him in a sing song voice. He looks up from his phone and gives me a killer smile. His teeth are white and flawlessly shaped, his lips are pout; the two look my ideal combination. He stares back down at his phone and uses his left hand to wipe his hair away from his face. I stay still in my spot and wait for his vocal response. He smiles once more at his phone.
“Good morning, Kailanni. How did you sleep?” He asks me in a quiet murmur. I smile and start walking towards the bed and finally sit on the edge of the space where I sleep when I reach it. He puts his phone down and moves his body to face more towards me. His eyes are pale blue and the lashes around them are a fair brown.
“I slept well. I wish I could stay here longer.” I tell him, using a whiney voice. He chuckles and smirks at me.
“I wish you could too.” He says and it makes my heart beat a little faster. He still has his accent even though he has lived in America for fifteen years. Kai leans more towards me and places a kiss on my cheek. “We still have Saturday,” he says in a suggestive voice.
Kai and I always go out for a date on a Saturday. I make sure that I am never scheduled for work and Kai does the same. Kai makes his own schedules; he spent many years working as a plumber and now he runs his own firm. Since he opened the business, he spends more time at home. The room that I prayed would become a nursery has become his office. He promises me it won’t be forever.
“I can’t wait for Saturday. Are you going to tell me where we are going?” I reply. He grins with his teeth and places another kiss on my cheek.
“You are such an impatient woman Kailanni; won’t you allow me to surprise you some time?” He says with a laugh to follow. He kisses me on my mouth and makes a dramatic smacking sound from his mouth as his lips touch mine. “You will have a good day at work today, Theresa will be there and then you will let me treat you to something special in two days.” He continues. I roll my eyes and pull a face at him. My mother always told me that patience was a virtue, but I believe that having too much patience can become a waste of time.
“Fine.” I reply bluntly. “I had better start making breakfast. It is the most important meal of the day after all.” I finish speaking. Kai grins an even bigger smile at me and then pulls the sheets completely off his body.
“You don’t have to tell me twice. I’ll supervise.” Kai responds with pleasure. He moves his feet so that they are off the bed and puts on his slippers. He is wearing dark green and navy-blue plaid pyjama bottoms. I watch him as he moves towards the chest of drawers on his side of the room and pulls out a white T-shirt. He puts it on, and I frown. A married woman is allowed her fun. I pick up my oversized shoulder bag which I take to work, and I pull it onto my shoulder and wait for Kai to catch up. When he is ready, we walk together down the stairs and make our way to the kitchen. Our house has three bedrooms and its own dining room. It is an old house, it belonged to my Uncle Gilbert who passed away five years ago. He never had his own kids and when he passed away, he left me the house in his will. He also left me a large sum of money however I hardly touch it. My Uncle Gilbert was a great man, I saw him as a father figure in my life. My father passed away from cancer when I was younger, the same thing that took my Uncle Gilbert from me. I wish they could see me now and that they could have got to meet my husband. I still have my mother, though I don’t get to see her as often as I would like. She chose to retire in Canada, it was my father’s favourite place and where they spent their honeymoon. We try to visit each other once a year.
Kai sits at the countertop and picks up yesterday’s newspaper. He opens it up and begins to read as I rifle through the fridge in search for what I can cook up for breakfast. Kai is a health junkie; he spends a lot of time on his feet and at the gym, so he is very conscious about what he eats. As I am a nurse, I am also a health freak, Kai loves having what he calls his own personal nurse as he can be a hypochondriac. He disagrees that he is a hypochondriac and tells me he’s only sensitive and over dramatic.
“Well? What are we having?” I hear him calling over to me from behind my shoulder.
I look in the fridge once more.
“Why don’t we have some eggs?” I suggest. He begins humming in thought and I hear him straightening the newspaper in his hands as he turns the page.
“We had eggs yesterday.” He says in a moan. I turn around and frown at him.
“Can you do grocery shopping today?” I ask him. He sighs even louder.
“I am still working you know, Kailanni.” His tone has turned slightly hysterical, and I freeze in confusion. “Okay, okay. I can do the shopping.” He says after seeing my face. He turns his attention back to the newspaper and straightens it out using the force of his wrist again. “I guess we will have eggs for breakfast.” He finishes saying, his tone is much calmer now. I shrug my shoulders to myself and take the egg box from the fridge. I turn the stove on and find a frying pan in the cupboard and bring it to the heat.
“Everything okay?” I question him curiously after a few minutes of silence.
Something about the empty space in our dialogue makes me feel tense.
“I am okay, Kailanni. I am having problems with one of the private contractors and I must go to an old clients house tomorrow to help fix a broken water pipe. I have a lot on my plate, and I do not mean to take it out on you.” Kai answers and it is enough to satisfy my nerves. I look back at the frying eggs and add a knob of butter and begin to swirl it around with a silicone spatula. The deep, golden yellow yolks turn the whites a creamy pastel yellow as they combine.
“What problems are you having with the contractor?” I ask as I continue cooking the scrambled eggs. They look like they have finished cooking, so I turn the heat off. Kai stays silent and I turn around to look at him. He read that newspaper yesterday during breakfast, so
I am not sure why he is pretending to read new news. “Kai?” I try to push him with an usher.
“A regular customer is complaining about things missing in his house.” He finally answers. I let out a deep sigh which I try to make sound playful to lighten the mood.
“Then fire him.” I say proudly and beam at him. He smiles back at me, and I want it to reassure me however it looks slightly forced. I go to the fridge to search for a leftover salad that I made with dinner last night. I set it on the kitchen counter and then get two plates from the overhead cabinet, then I divide the eggs equally onto each plate and then use the rest of the salad to fill the empty space on the plate. I also grab two slices of sourdough bread and then take the plates to the kitchen counter. We hardly ever use the dining room unless we have visitors over.
“I am going to be late.” I say as I deliver his food in front of him. I look at the grandfather clock which stands beside our fridge. I have twenty minutes to be at work and it takes me twenty minutes to drive there.
“Why don’t you take them with you?” Kai suggests. He puts the newspaper down onto the table and waits for me to sit in my seat before he picks up his fork and begins eating.
I pick up my fork and smile at him.
“I am hardly ever late, I’m sure one day won’t hurt and it is the most important meal of the day. I should take my own advice before dishing it out.” I reply. Kai smiles at me again and nods his head softly.
“You are right, my love.” He says and he makes his accent sound thicker. “I can’t have you falling ill at work.” He continues. He takes a bite out of his sourdough bread and looks at me with an adoring look. “These eggs are great. I am lucky to have you.” He finishes with his compliments. I smile back at him and continue eating my breakfast. I do wish I had the time to fully savour it however, there are people who need me more today. I eat a little faster and Kai turns his attention back to the newspaper on the table. He has left it still opened on the table a placement down from his seat. He suddenly bumps his elbow into the fork on his plate and a portion of scrambled eggs end up in his lap. He looks at me and rolls his eyes with an unamused look displayed upon his face and then gets up to walk towards the counter where the sink is. He runs the tap and rubs his hands together under the running water and then picks up the sponge and starts to dampen it too. I begin to roll my eyes at his uncomfortably perfect behaviour; however, I am interrupted by a light coming into focus from the corner of my eye. When I look towards it, I see that it is Kai’s phone. He has left it sitting in the middle of the kitchen table. I think nothing of it and pick up his phone and look at the screen, opening my mouth to call out to him.
Except. That can’t be right. Who is she?
Right, she. Why is she calling my husband’s phone?
The name on the screen reads Sophia and she has a photo with her caller ID. Just like Kai has for me. I peek harder at the screen; it looks like it is a mirror selfie that she has taken herself. Well, how did he get that? I open my mouth again to say something but when I turn to look for Kai he is no longer in the room. It is only me who is in the kitchen.
My hand that is holding the phone begins shaking-
When did he leave? And who is Sophia? I fall into a state of complete nothingness. I cannot speak, I cannot feel anything, I am only able to get up onto my feet and place the phone back in its space onto the table. I am not even sure whether Kai saw me with his phone in my hands or not. I still begin walking towards the front door of our house and once I reach it, I call out to him, in the same voice that I do every day.
“I’m going to work now, Kai! See you when I get home.”
There is no response back. I am not sure where he is. I open the front door and then close it calmly behind me, then I walk to my car and get in. I turn to look back toward the house once I sit in the seat of my red Toyota. Maybe it is nothing. Maybe Sophia is a client from work. Of course, everyone needs a plumber at some point in their life. Kai doesn’t really speak much about his clients, but it would be bold of me to assume that they were all men. If only I could allow myself to be a fool and excuse him. How would he have gotten the mirror selfie picture of her to save in his contacts book. It didn’t look like a WhatsApp call. I start up the engine for my car and begin driving out of the driveway. I don’t have time to think about this right now, I have work. I try to pick up my shoulders and sit straight, I try to suppress the tears from falling from my eyes. I smile and turn the radio on, there must be an explanation.
Kai wouldn’t do that to me. Maybe she’s his cousin, the photo didn’t look that suggestive. Just a blonde-haired woman, with a pair of blue jeans and a blouse. I let out a genuine sigh of relief and feel a genuine smile appear on my face. I knew there had to be an explanation. I push the button on the side of my inside car door and let the windows roll down a little. I listen to the radio and even allow myself to sing some of the choruses as I drive to work.
I can’t be so naïve. I must wait and ask my friend Theresa when I see her at work before allowing myself to make excuses. I want to trust my husband, but I also want to hear someone else’s opinion.
Theresa and I have worked together at that hospital since we both graduated from university the same year. We did not attend the same school however we are the same age and are both from the same city. We met at the hospital, we both joined in the same year however, Theresa started a month earlier than I did and she’s one of the greatest nurses. They all call her mother Theresa – patients and staff. Although Theresa has the kindest and most caring nature she has once had her heartbroken. I always knew Theresa to be happy until a year ago when she found out her fiancé was cheating on her. Theresa lost her shine, but she didn’t lose herself. She still had her touch and her softness; everyone was on her side. She is far better these days. Sometimes she skips through the corridors and sings songs loudly on her break for all to hear through our floor on the hospital. She really is a jewel, but she tells me that she doesn’t see herself looking for another man for a long time again.
I pull into the parking lot at work and park my car in a vacant spot. I have a permit given to me monthly at work and I make sure that it is still visible through my window screen. I pick up my bag from the passenger’s seat and open my car door, then get out. I look around for Theresa’s car, but I can’t see it. Oh well. She hasn’t text me that she won’t be at work today so I am sure I will hear from her soon. I enter the white hospital building through the staff entrance and then go to my locker in the locker room. I notice Theresa’s locker door is open next to mine and her bag is there. We all trust each other so we don’t always close our locker doors. We hardly get that many newcomers these days as the hospital is quite small and we all feel like we are each other’s family, so we hardly ever leave. The hospital has three floors so there are about eighteen of us nurses, nine doctors and six janitors in total. We get a lot of different janitors more than anything but other than that, there is hardly any variation between us.
A few moments after I enter the staff locker room, Theresa enters. She smiles at me. Her golden-brown hair is tied up into a ponytail, she smells of floral perfume and she is dressed in her uniform.
“I was looking for you,” she says to me. She walks a few steps towards me, and I nod my head at her.
“Hey, Theresa, I was looking for you too,” I reply to her. She frowns her brows a little at me and the smile starts to move from her face.
“Looking for me? What for? You’re forty minutes late,” she responds in a questionable voice. She looks away from me and sighs and then looks at me again. “Are you okay?” She asks me. She looks slightly breathless and tired, and I am not sure whether it is a good idea for me to bring up my husband right now.
“Yes. Is everything okay with you?” I answer. She puts her hands onto her hips and smiles at me.
“We had an emergency earlier this morning. I’ve been swept off my feet,” She explains to me. She wipes the back of her right forearm onto the top of her head and looks me up and down. “Where have you been?” She repeats her question again. I take in a deep breath of air through my nose as I try to think about what to say. I have been so caught up in my own issues that I’ve forgotten about all my other priorities. I feel like falling into a sobbing heap on the floor. I don’t want to vocally confirm my insecurities with Theresa because in a way I feel as though it makes them true or more valid somehow. I hear Theresa making a sound under her voice and I look up at her. “Well?” She pushes me to speak.
“I must only be being stupid,” I begin telling her. I roll my eyes and put my hands on my hips the same way she has hers. “It’s only that, Kai left his phone on the kitchen counter this morning and I’ve somehow picked up his phone to see a lady calling,” I explain. I look her in the eyes through clouded tear-stained eyes and wait for her response.
She sighs, and she moves her hands away from her hips and folds them over her chest.
“That could mean anything, Kailanni,” she tells me in a calm voice. I want her words to reassure me but the tears in my eyes become waterfalls.
“I thought the same,” I respond, a little too bitterly. I catch my tone of voice and relax my shoulders. “The lady had a photo with her caller identification, and it was a mirror selfie,” I continue explaining. Theresa looks taken aback and I nod my head at her. I allow the tears to stop falling as I watch her face, it’s as though she has eaten a sour lemon.
“What kind of mirror selfie?” She says, her voice sounds as bitter as mine did a second ago. I am so relieved to have a friend like Theresa.
“She was dressed. Thank heavens, but it doesn’t explain how it got on his phone in the first place,” I point out to her. She nods her head at me in agreement and sighs again.
“Did you ask him about it?” She questions me.
“I was going to but when I looked up from his phone he had disappeared,” I answer.
“What do you mean he disappeared?” Theresa probes.
“He was in the kitchen and then he wasn’t. I didn’t have time to look around for him, I was already late for work.” I try to explain, and, in a way, it feels like I am spinning up an explanation for him also. Theresa lets out a loud huff of air and then looks up to the side before moving closer to me and making eye contact.
“I have an idea,” she replies using a stern voice, “it’s the same way I found out that
Gareth was cheating on me.” She continues. She forces a smile and then clears her throat. “It’s a private investigator, I really recommend him. How about I give you the number?” She finally suggests.
I look taken aback. She had discussed using a private investigator in the past. Gareth was her fiancé; they were dating for two years before Theresa decided to hire a private investigator. Finding out the news from the investigator was hard for Theresa and I tried to support her through it the most that I could. I never expected that I would ever need to take the number from her. I sigh and feel the tears coming back again. Theresa places an arm on my shoulder and attempts to comfort me.
“I’ll take the number,” I say as soon as I feel her touch.
“Good, Kailanni. Just let him do all the work and try not to worry about this until you know. Anyway, he might come back with good news. Try to keep your chin up, whatever happens, I am sure we will get through this.” Theresa tries to console me. I wish it was as easy as just saying it. “We have a lot of work to do. The patient is out of critical condition now however we still have a lot to work to do getting him back to shape.” Theresa tells me and she flashes me a big smile. I nod my head at her. I can’t allow this phone call to hold me
back any longer than it has.
“You’re right. Let’s get to work,” I reply confidently. Theresa links her arm with mine and we exit the changing room together.
“I suggest you call him as soon as you have lunch break,” Theresa begins speaking.
She turns her face so that she can see me clearly. “His name is Thomas; you can trust him.”
We reach the large doors which leads to the ward that we both work on, and Theresa removes her arm away from me so that she can open the door. She lets me walk through first and I can smell the strong smell of chlorine as I walk through the ward.
I wonder what the private investigator will have to tell me.
