There are no relatives or friends here. You can express whatever you want, at least without caring so much. What I hope for is more of my own sharing without complaining, but currently, I think there are quite a lot of complaints in my heart. Maybe, looking back at my growth path in a few years, it will also be a kind of remembrance.
I think my heart is lonely, even when I'm not alone, because my good friends show little concern, and I originally grew up in such an environment. Just like what my friend said, my parents never cared about our several siblings, only provided food, and didn't really care about the rest. I didn't notice much myself, but when she said it like this, my heart felt very sad. Since I was a child, I have been in a group of men. There weren't many girls of the same age in the village, and I played games, went crazy, and did bad things together with my brothers and little boys. If I fell and bled, I had to find a way to deal with it myself... Thinking about it, it really is a very memorable childhood. When was I a girl, and when was I spoiled? At that time, I especially envied the children of my neighbor who were loved in various ways and envied the families of others.
I don't know when I started to want to be liked by others, and I was willing to accommodate others in everything. Whoever asked me to do something, I was willing to help. When I was a child, I had such an idea, if I wanted others to be good to me, then I would be good to them first, and then they would be good to me. So I could be friends with anyone, and I could get along with anyone. I'm not proud and have an excellent temperament. I was a little smart when I was a child, studied well, played all kinds of games well, and learned things quickly, so naturally many people were willing to play with me. However, it was always for a period of time, and soon there were new favorites.
The relationship with my family is not deep, and there isn't much communication in words among us. All six of us in our family are not good at talking. Our parents didn't care or ask, only remembered that when we were kids, the four siblings fought endlessly, but couldn't recall a single fragment about quarrels. Our parents were busy doing their things, and we played by ourselves. Now we live our own lives, and there are very few phone calls. It's not that we don't understand or care about each other, but we don't know how to communicate and interact. We're just used to it. We only look for help when there's something urgent to do, and it's quite sad to think about it.
Friends, I have never been lacking. In primary school, there were several good playmates in different periods, and with the graduation of primary school, they became familiar strangers. Among my classmates in junior high school, there weren't many deep friendships, and after entering vocational high school, there were very few contacts, because of new favorites. In fact, everyone is the same, we all have new favorites and new social circles, so naturally there are fewer contacts. When I was in vocational high school, for some reason, I became a deskmate with a completely opposite temperament, and it began a nightmare that lasted for several years for me. All the beauty was ruined in her hands. I should hate this person, but I can't dislike her.