It all starts when you take a breath, when you realise even if there’s nothing left, there’s you... and all that you do, all that your mind has weathered -the love you did and did not signup to. In those moments we revive, ignite new strength we imminently found out was inside, and what we do with that energy is up to us to choose. We have everything to save and everything to lose.
So what will you do?
You could ask another question to figure out the right time of day. You could make your thousandth plan then ignore it anyway. You could whine, temporarily resign, spend time on nothing meaningful as you’d say. You could deny the existence of me. The reason which leaks in the front of your mind when everyday you drag you chair across the foundation to face the behind. The past mistakes, failures, successes and all. If you do nothing more, nothing less then how could you fall.
It seems you’d rather a slow death without any means. To have it all but be voiceless is exactly what it seems. But what do you want truly? It’s not dead, you’re not quite rotting away either – that’s what I find. Yet it seems there are slivers of potential you keep leaving behind. And no. I wouldn’t question it at all if I felt you were okay with it, but as your conscience I’m not one you can fool despite all your wit.
Let it wait, let the right idea along the right lines, settle all in nice and cozy at the right time. Let it brew forever and a day, you didn’t want to taste your favourite coffee anyway. Or your favourite drink. This is not what you think. You say you no longer want or need that thing. But what is it you’re trying to detach yourself from? What is this love you’ve had all life long? That you loved so much you would not sow? Why when the strings of fate sleep in your chosen hands do you let them go?
I am you and you are me, but in this moment, we are three. The future, the past, and the undecided now. I ask you to chose how to shape all of them now. You see, in this moment the one we blink through, the only one you’ll ever know, again and again forever there and gone as your effect on fate unfolds. In this moment where the conscience bells ring on, you invent another reason why your dreams are too far gone. In this moment where you can only be sure there is you. I ask you Decision-Maker, what will you do?
Will you die having never lived a day out loud? Will you cry as the Earth moves closer to your body, and away from your soul any time from now. Or will you decide even when you know with fear you’re torn, but you’re more afraid to stay the same and be as helpless as when you were born? See I am not of this world, I am only of you. My reasoning is construct of the moments you go through. Who you are and what you seek shape my very reign, I show you the reality inclusive or devoid of pain.
I am not what you seek in every moment, but what you need to thrive. You can ignore me and go about your day, but you’ll scarcely be alive. You drag your vessel across this Earth, and exist to work to make it survive. But in the depths of the life you once had here, your potential had surely died. I say what you need to hear, and you know it to be true. In all the absences you’ve had, this one will truly break you. I rest on your pending choices, not to taunt you but to incite you to grow. If you had no conscience, who would be the vested interest telling you the truth about what you know.
You did your best with the information you had, and the experience you garner along the way, you play the best notes with the skills you’d honed, and your mind’s tendency to mistakes. You wrote your best lines to that animated deadline as you aligned your voice with your hope at this stage. You have the power to be nothing at all, and in the same soul you hold the power to be great.
So what will you choose? Will you say you’re afraid? Will you say you had the chance to do it and 'back then', you decided to unlove yourself and that that bed is made? Will you say you don’t deserve the beauty, the joy of success, you’ve done wrong so you accept this -fake- fate? You know no one deserves anything anyway. You live and life happens. Then you die. The good don’t deserve the pain of the bad, and the bad don’t deserve the love of the good. And the good don’t deserve the love of their kin, and the bad don’t deserve the hate of their blood. But life happens, and it will continue to happen anyway. All you have are your decision in every little thing, so what do you have to say?
It's not my choice to make I can only bring you your facts, and I’m laying them out right here, so take note don’t detach. Are you going to decide to do, to be what you seek? Are you going to cave into the delusion that you’re weak?
I spent too long in the silence trying to scream, but only able to bare witness to all that you do. The changes in your life ignited us and gave a voice to me, now I’ll make your internal ears bleed if I have to. You have the power in your thoughts and the strength in your mind. Turn and face the front of this life and leave the lack of faith behind. You were given this life because you and only you are strong enough, capable enough, bright enough to live it. So stop creeping around the edge of destiny, learn to swim and dive in it. Now not yesterday, not tomorrow or soon, your moment will always be here, when you listen you’ll hear the tune. All you need exists inside, now ...die or decide.