are you a man of faith?

Hello, Láquesis writing in: This is a heavily religious entry, take is as a man writing to himself about divinity and religion. I do not force any of these beliefs on anyone, and it is merely my interpretation of the subject. Enjoy reading. — L.

“Are you a man of faith, Adrian?”

I was asked, once. More than once actually, I am asked if I have faith in me nearly everyday. I am always under scrutiny of the agents of religions too complex to be fully understood, and always have I had to adhere to the set of rules presented as such by mere mortals with thousands of tongues at their grasp yet they perfect none.

“Are you a man of faith?”

Faith? What is faith for you? I ask back. Faith is not a toy, faith is not a force one can waver and bend and bow to their will, and most importantly faith is not a thing. Faith is one of the mere principles of the human condition, it’s in our essence, our mere blood. Faith to me is not to be condemned to live the life of tortured souls and sinful devoted people who pray with tears in their eyes and their hands raised up in the sky, no.

Faith is nothing but the knowledge that one is alive, and in this world, brough upon this same earth, in this exact same spot in which each of us encounter ourselves. Faith is the knowledge of ones existence itself, the silent understanding that we have been brought here on earth to live in it, to seek through its valleys and mountains and edges and curves and crevices all there is to be known. To have faith is to know you are alive on this earth for the sole purpose of living.

Faith isn’t about looking up at the sky and asking for forgiveness for a sin one has not committed, faith is not to alienate one’s self with their humanity.

Am I a faithful man, if I do not vow to statues of gods whose faces and voices and words my kind has morphed and changed to appeal to the power of the cruel? Am I a man of faith if I don’t quiver under the eye in the sky, if I don’t fear what’s below my feet, if I don’t call upon a higher force to bring me peace and guidance only when I bound it necessary?

Am I a man of faith?

Faith comes not from praying to a statue or structure, it comes not from reading the same book hundreds of times without understanding a single piece of it, it comes not from screaming voices and big advertisement signs, Faith comes from the soul itself, it comes from within, breaching out into our hearts and minds and letting us know we will survive.

Faith comes not from blindness and naivety, comes not from pain and blood and comes not at the cost of our own race. Faith doesn’t place gunpowder in our hands, faith doesn’t soak our souls with the blood of innocent people, faith doesn’t force us to ignore and leave behind those who need us just because somehow it was decided that casting our own kind aside and destroy their homes was the course of action needed to end a war we ourselves started.

Am I a man of faith? I am.

I am a man of faith because I know my truth, and I know that no amount of transfigured theatricalities and no amount of reshaped statues will make me betray my humanity, nor my morals. I am a man of faith, and not praying or devoting myself to a higher power isn’t taking away from the notion, the knowledge and the understanding of where we come from and where are we heading.

I do not use the name of any god to condone nor act out on acts of cruelty, I do not participate in the blasphemy that the product of “faith” has become, I do not lower myself to the hands of the machiavelian narcissists on their golden thrones asking me to change my essence and my life when they would not do it themselves, I do not look at those who came to me for guidance and help and tell them it’s their own fault they appear to be in such predicament.

“Are you a man of faith?” A man with golden liquid in his glass asks me, looking down on me for not sharing the belief that God is pain.

“Are you a man of faith?” A woman asks me, angered at my lack of commitment at the young age of thirteen, forcing me to believe in a god she did not understand in the slightest.

“Are you a man of faith?” Asked a family member, when he did not understand faith either, when he did not understand how to read and interpret the words of the entity he calls father, when he did not comprehend the duality and complexity of a god who is not human at all.

“Are you a man of faith?” I ask myself every day, and everyday I get frustrated when I realise I am only comparing myself to those who I criticize, when I realise their standards are ingrained in my head even when I try for them not to be.

“Are you a man of faith?” ask me the lost and forgotten, the ones who don’t know where to land or where to fall, the ones who don’t know how faith works.

Even those who take their own life have faith, and I believe they have the most faith of us all, because they abandon this earth in search for peace they know nothing about, they know nothing about the path of death and eternity, and yet they choose to walk on it on bare feet because the world has lost its way and has made them believe they would not be missed.

Every person on this planet wants nothing but peace in their lives, and the faith they have in one day achieving it is what keeps them alive and moving and running. I am not a man of faith for my sacrifices, I am a man of faith for all the wrong and right that exists in this world, knowing that one day it will not eat me alive, and I will lift the heavy weight I carry on my shoulders only because I am human.

I am a man of faith.