⚠️ TW: SUICIDAL IDEATION/ATTEMPT AND NEGLECTED MENTAL HEALTH.
~
I've done it. I've become the very best, like no one ever was. I caught them, I passed the test. I trained them and followed my cause.
But, in the process of achieving all I thought I wanted, it feels like I lost something somehow. I've travelled across the land, and I searched far and wide. I thought I understood the power that's inside, but ... what now?
Nothing now, that's what. I drag my hat off my head, making my hair stick up in wayward spikes. The faded green logo seems to taunt me. This hat has been through almost as much as I have. I love it. I hate it. I toss it over the railing and watch it fall, landing with a gentle splash into the river far below. It looks peaceful as the current carries it away. I want to be peaceful like that again.
How long has it been since I've felt at peace? Not even a year, yet it feels like thirty. Time is confusing. Life is confusing. Floating down a river doesn’t seem confusing.
My body starts moving without me telling it to, but when it finally registers that I've climbed over the railing, I don't fight it. I cling to the outside of the bridge, heart beating fast with excitement.
Why haven't I thought of this before?
The colours have gotten too bright. The world has gotten too fast. I don’t know when I noticed it all, but by then it was too late to go back to when things were simple. I want the colours to cool off. I want everything to slow down again. Please, won't you slow down for me?
A tear runs down my cheek and my grip loosens—but just as I've let go, a wave of shock pulses through the air to meet me and I instinctively, involuntarily, hold tight. I know that electricity. That sound, I know it too—the clacking of heels and the padding of paws.
"Ash is in trouble!" a familiar voice rings, singsongy as always but now twinged with ... concern?
"Thank you for calling us, Pikachu," another, deeper voice says. I know this one too, but the tone of worry is still very foreign.
Two huge eyes pop up to meet mine, startling me to cling tighter to the rails as a third voice speaks from right in front of me.
"Hey, twe'p." Gentle. I didn't know Meowth could be ... gentle. And all of a sudden, Jessie and James are hoisting me up and over the railing, back onto the bridge's solid ground. As if I couldn't be more shocked, they pull me immediately into a hug, all three of them.
Pikachu stands off to the side, nervously wringing his paws. Jessie pulls slightly away from me, leaving a space to draw Pikachu in.
"Pi-ka..." he sobs quietly, nuzzling static into my chest.
Why do I feel even more like crying now? I didn't think there was anything left for me, but here they are. These people and Pokémon who I never thought would care so much about me. Here they are... Caring about me.
That was the final breaking point. Tears began to fall from my face without me telling them to, and they wouldn't stop either. Where did this come from? Why am I crying? I didn't even know what this kind of sadness felt like until ... until...
Why do I feel like this?
Calming shushes came from Jessie and James while Meowth purred along in a comforting manner. My body shook, wracked with sobs, and the three of them—plus Pikachu—held me the entire time.
Hours? Minutes? I don't know anymore. It almost feels like I never knew anything at all.
The cold seeped through my jeans, biting my shins and causing me to shiver from more than tears. Jessie noticed and pulled away again, holding my head in her hands.
"Let's get you inside, okay?"
All I can manage is a nod. She tries to help me up but my knees are so weak I can hardly stand.
Weak... What does that even mean? I've felt it before, but I've never been weak until now.
Before I know it, James is giving me a piggyback ride, and we begin walking for what feels like ages before arriving at a hotel.
My teeth are clattering so hard that I can't hear anything but the nervous hum surrounding Pikachu. Why is it so loud? Has it always been like that? Is he really that worried about me? Those thoughts prick fresh tears, trickling down to his soft fur as he cuddles me, raising my hair on end.
A blanket is draped over my shoulders and I'm once again sandwiched between the members of Team Rocket, only now we’re on a futon instead of a bridge.
Team Rocket... Team Rocket?!
My muscles go rigid from habit.
"This isn't just another lousy scheme to steal Pikachu, i-is it?" I blubber.
"Oh goodness, no," Jessie sighs.
"We understand why you'd think so," James chuckles softly. "But we hope to prove to you that we've turned a new leaf, for real this time."
"Mhm," adds Jessie. "By the way, we're not Team Rocket anymore."
Oh. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud. Oops.
"You're not?" It nearly feels like I'm dreaming.
"No," Jessie smiles at James. Meowth starts to giggle.
"It's just the Morgans now," she says, holding out her left hand to show me the ring on her finger.
My eyes bug out as James grabs her hand, simultaneously showing off a matching ring of his own. "You guys got married?!"
"You betcha," Meowth growls, puffing out his chest. "And I was the Pokéman of honour."
"Haha that you were, old pal," says James, giving Meowth a scratch behind the ear.
Have they always been so warm to each other?
Just when I thought they were done, fresh tears well up and trickle down my face for the I-stopped-counting time.
"You're being so kind to me... I thought you hated my guts? What happened?"
"Well," Jessie starts with a pained expression. “It’s a bit of a story, but we’d like you to hear it. Is that alright?”
“Yes, it’s alright…” A shiver runs down my spine for reasons unbeknownst to me.
“I’ll make some cocoa,” says James.
“Buckle up, kiddo,” Meowth says. “This one’s a doozy.”
And a doozy it was.
To be continued… (?)