Some time ago, various tutorials were in vogue: "Productivity Ninja", "Effectiveness Ninja", "Guitar Ninja". Do you remember?
I was a collector of these books, but honestly, I never read them in their entirety. Sometimes just the table of contents. That was enough to understand what it was about. Then came the time for practice and implementation. With that it was always the worst.
For once it really worked. I bought the book "Do it immediately" - Instead of reading it, I did what I had to do immediately. To this day I don't know what's in the book, but I do things right away.
I'm really tired of all these people who keep telling me I'm missing something and I still need to do something, but they have no idea who I am. Tired of people who think their way is the best way. They usually teach about how to be successful in some field, and then it turns out that they have money and are famous, but they are lonely and are just jerks
Believe me, I'm already 46 years old, I'm not going to be anyone more than I am and I don't want to be anyone more than I am. I will not spend the next few years on your books and courses only to find out later that it leads to nothing. I already have my head stuffed enough with this nonsense.
It got me thinking: why does someone keep wanting to teach us something to make us " someone"? After all, no one can write a book for me, making me see what it's like to be me. I thought I had to write such a book-guide for myself. I titled it: "Being Myself Ninja".
I liked it, but the book didn't get written because I'm too busy being me. And writing a book about how to be yourself is like drawing a map of the land you walk on at a scale of 1:1. In the end, the land you wanted to describe with a map became the map itself.
However I have found something much better. And I'm gonna share it with you!
I really enjoy reading the Bible. I find a lot of wisdom in the Bible that is beyond mental comprehension. I don't understand many things, I find some things scary and others absurd. Some beautiful and others delightful. But what catches my attention the most is the phrase "thought in his heart", which this one appears often.
It always seemed to me that we think with our brains, but this is not true. Our thoughts are in the heart. There are some images and voices in the brain, but they are not ours, they are delivered from outside. This really delighted me. Because it means that I have an inner voice within me that knows perfectly well who I am, it is the voice of my Creator, God Himself, who dwells in me through Jesus Christ.
The mind cannot be trusted, it is led by various passions and fancies.
When I prayed recently, I thought in my heart that we had given over power to the mind, which is controlled by the external world. Science, philosophy, rationalism, are mental tools that give this inner computer of ours a superior role. And do you know what role the brain originally played? To prevent you from sticking a fork in your offspring's eye. The brain is for organising and managing flesh. And that is what it does, that is what it is for.
The heart is the organ of true thought! We call it intuition, or hunches, we push it to the background, or even further back. And it is in our heart that all the answers are there, ready.
No one on the outside knows you. There is no spiritual guide except the Holy Spirit. You receive it by faith, in the fact that Jesus Christ came into the world and died for our sins. That is all!
But even if you don't believe it, your Father in Heaven, does not leave you or forsake you. The interesting thing is that probably as you read this you have thoughts of discord, anger and maybe even hatred, yet your heart is calm, it is your brain that is going crazy.
We have given the mind an overriding role, it has fallen into pride and self-doubt and is now telling everyone what to do. The heart is claiming its place and we live in confilct and division.
The heart says, love and forgive, but the mind doesn't allow consent because it counts all those wrongs and resentments. The heart says, go and help and the mind says, no because your favourite show is on that I have to watch.
In the end, the heart says, quit the damn job! And the mind, no because you have a mortgage on your house.
The heart says, you're a great person, and the mind says, you'll never be perfect.
My mind has led me down different paths, I've gone through hell in my life. I reached the limits of the mind, which took me to the verge of life and death. Then my mind disappeared leaving me in that terrifying place. It was then that I clearly heard my own voice, a weak and frightened voice: God rescue me, please!
You don't have to come to that place where I was. There are already many difficulties in your life where you can say: God rescue me, please!
Seriously: LFG and WAGMI - these spells work for a very short time. Another dip in the market and you cry. All those courses and training, how much did they make you feel better? Certainly for a while, but then came the doubt, the fear that you were missing out on something again, that you were failing with something again!
The mind is a construct of this messed-up world. It is full of rubbish and we load it up with more every day, eating up tons of useless information. The mind is constantly busy. Meditation help? Is - again your own effort, in order to calm the mind. Why do you want to calm it down? To let it give you a bit of a breather before it enslaves you to work for it again.
Imagine God, the Creator of all things, who is perfect Love. Imagine Him as a Father who knows everything, can do everything and is the Source of all Life and Truth. Imagine Him sitting at the table, you walk into the room and see Him sitting bent over something and doing something. Do you think you can 'help' God? That you can give Him something, that He expects something from you?
Imagine that you sit down by Him, that He looks at you and just hugs you and lets you look at another of His wonderful creations. He shows you what he is currently doing and points out a small missing element. That missing element is you. Just as you are. This missing piece in this puzzle is the same shape you are. In His eyes, you are perfect to complete this jigsaw perfectly, with all your shortcomings. Because He knows these deficiencies and fills them in Himself. You can rely on Him.
Now you can even feel your heart moving and your mind speaking: "beautiful metaphor, but how does this relate to real life, the bills have to be paid and you can't live a pipe dream". So you now have a choice, whether to believe what your mind tells you or what has moved in your heart. I don't know what it is that has moved, but the Father knows, you just have to ask Him, as if you were asking someone standing next to you.
You have already toiled and agonised for so many years, you really want to rest. You need peace and quiet, but you can't find it. You have even got used to and accepted the truth of the mind by now, you hardly ask any more and you increasingly agree with the philosophers that it is impossible in this world. And that is actually somewhat true. You are not of this world, you are of His world. And it's a world of miracles beyond your comprehension.
You search for possibilities and solutions, you can't sleep, you race with yourself to catch up with your dreams, still not enough, still the goal eludes you. You are already running out of breath and have less and less strength to fool yourself. Your Father in Heaven is waiting for you and asks if you will join Him?
What will you answer?