Qi was devastated.
She didn’t sign up for this. She worked extra hard for a master’s degree just so she wouldn’t have to clean a kindergartener’s underpants. She went to office hours where she would just sit awkwardly with her professor for half an hour just to not go to elementary schools where students throw sandwiches at each other for lunch.
She thought teaching in one of the best middle schools in Beijing would be the best experience of a lifetime. She would give her kids the best time of their lives and they would also remember her as the teacher who gave them the best time of their lives. They would graduate with tears in their eyes, brawling their hearts out. And they would thank her and tell her they’ll remember her as their favorite teacher for the rest of their lives. And Qi would respond with her own eyes watery: yes, my darlings. I understand you completely. Because my middle school years were also the best time of my life. I will miss you so very much. You are the first class I’ve taught in my life. I will never forget about you too.
She thought she would go home every day with more love in her heart. It would be tiring because she would have to grade papers and prepare for a new and exciting lesson every single day------ but hey, anything for the kids, right?
She expected playful pranksters. She expected snuck-up little snobs with rich parents. She expected introverted kids with those humongous glasses who would not say anything to anyone. She expected kids to go against the rules and not wear those ugly red and white uniforms to school. She expected kids to cry and complain because of a bad grade.
She thought she came prepared.
Oh boy, was she wrong.
The first month of school was fine. She introduced herself, everyone in class introduced themselves, she assigned monitors for every class and got to know about their hobbies and favorite subjects. The kid with big glasses would always read a huge book during recess, the prankster boy would suddenly make a funny retort in class that would make everyone in the class snort, and the girl who would always wear a Chanel headband would always sit in the back with her boyfriend, inspecting her nails and her boyfriend’s hair every class.
Some kids liked her. Some kids didn’t. But it was all okay. All expected, too. Qi knew that there was no way thirty-two kids would just love and trust her with their hearts and stories in one week.
Some kids liked studying. Some kids didn’t. Some kids were born athletes. Some were born artists. Some could make words flow like music. Some could make algebra look easy. It was hard, but totally under control.
Until Jacob ate the Dracaena trifasciata.
Qi was eating instant noodles in her office when Oliver came flying up the stairs.
He was a 200-pound kid, but with a tiny face, short dark hair, and small glasses. He rushed as fast as he could, panting but wheezing with laughter.
Oliver was one of the best students in the class. He studies extremely slow, and never hands in his homework on time, but if he hands them in, the notes would be so precise and descriptive and perfect that sometimes other teachers would use his homework as a model to improve the syllabus.
“What’s wrong, Oliver?” Qi asked, surprised, since Oliver would never even walk for more than a minute.
“Jacob… Jacob…” Oliver said, pointing to their classroom to show where they were, then started laughing so hard that he choked on his own spit.
Qi looked at him, confused and still astonished. But seeing that it seemed to be an emergency------ though a funny one------- she grabbed her jacket and ran down the stairs with Oliver still panting and laughing behind her.
She heard the roar of laughter even as she was rushing down the stairs. People were screeching hysterically. She heard Helen’s shrill laughter, Vivian’s tinkling laughs, and Ziyue’s goose honks. She went out in the open, then turned left to their classroom, heels clicking, then rushed in the door.
To find a red-faced Jacob Yuan staring at her, scratching his face.
Everyone laughed harder when she rushed in. Even the shy kids couldn’t contain their giggles.
“What… happened?” Qi asked.
“Ughhhh…” Jacob groaned.
The students roared with laughter. Ziyue, by now, is rolling on the floor, his fists punching the tiles like they’ve done something to offend him.
“What did you do?” Qi asked again, this time more gently.
“Ummmmm….” Jacob grinned sheepishly, all the while scratching his face.
Qi looked around helplessly, trying to find a kid with consciousness and breath to tell her what’s going on.
“We were… we were in class,” Oliver wheezed. “And I said I was hungry.”
Qi nodded, encouraging him to go on.
“And Jacob…… he asked me if I liked vegetables.”
Qi nodded, still confused.
“I said no…… And he said why not… and he…… he…….”
As Oliver started wheezing again, Qi looked at the plant by the window.
One Dracaena trifasciata was given by the principal to each class as a welcoming gift for all the new classes. He wanted the classes to be “full of lively natural air” (his direct words), and he told Qi especially that there should be a monitor every three days in the class to water the plant and cherish it as their own.
To create a sense of responsibility for the kids, principal Wang would also announce in the weekly broadcast which class had the best Dracaena trifasciata. “Your Dracaena trifasciata, kids,” as he would say every time. “Not only represents how well you work together, but also how lively your youths really are.”
Qi’s Dracaena trifasciata was always praised by Wang since the talented Vivian’s always a very gentle and responsible caretaker, but as she looked to the once proudly strong and elegant plant, now there’s a very obvious bite mark on the juiciest of its leaves.
Qi didn’t think it was funny at all. The dialogue between the kids weren’t funny. The action of Jacob eating Dracaena trifasciata wasn’t funny. Jacob, with his long hair, tall build, and tall nose, didn’t even look funny. It was just a kid eating a raw plant. She didn’t understand why all the kids laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. She didn’t understand why Jacob had to eat that Dracaena trifasciata.
Qi stared at the bite mark. “…Why?”
She looked over at Jacob again. “Why?”
Jacob scratched his cheeks again. “Ummm… Can I borrow your phone? My face is itchy.”
After that, it was like a switch was suddenly turned on. And it was not just Jacob. All the kids turned wild.
The worst thing was that they were unpredictable. They couldn’t even predict themselves what they would do that day. Whenever Qi scolds them, they would promise to not do one thing, keep to their promise------ then do another thing that was even crazier.
The math teacher came to Qi one day to tell her that Huan dropped toilet paper while sneezing and the paper rolled all the way up to the front. When he asked Huan if he can roll it back up, Huan told the teacher that he should walk on it proudly because it’s now a red carpet.
The English teacher came to Qi one day with tears in her eyes saying that her English monitor Taylor told her that to learn better English, they’ve decided to name her “Mike Nicholas William Ashley Sarah Bob Coco Peter Piper Apple Banana Grape Nico Nico Nico Tao” so out of each 45-minute class they would spend at least 20 minutes saying her name and laughing hysterically.
The chemistry teacher came in one day yelling at the top of her lungs that the class had started writing all their equations on their desks and walls instead of normal paper for no reason and now the whole room is filled with random messy equations and very astonishing-looking drawings.
And in Qi’s own class of Chinese literature, Lilac would lead the class to sing random songs whenever they’re supposed to recite poetry. They would sing different songs every time, but they would always start with a song about garbage cans, Jacob wearing pants, and a chihuahua doing some crazy dance.
Qi really didn’t know what to do. Because even though the kids are chaotic, they still learn. They still do good on their tests. She tried talking to some of their parents, but their parents wouldn’t listen. The kids are all improving in grades------- how could anything be “bad” behavior?
She was starting to accept everything. They’re just kids, after all. Maybe different generations have different standards for fun.
But when principal Wang called her, her world crashed down again.
Principal Wang was in the best of mood, though. He happily dialed the phone and was humming the tune of Mary had a Little Lamb when Qi picked up her phone.
“Yes, principal Wang?” Qi asked.
“It’s okay, Qi, no need to add principal in front…… call me Wang!” Principal Wang said. “Do you have time now?”
“Yes,” Qi said. “Pr---uh, Wang.”
“You see, I went to a meeting today,” Wang paused. “A meeting.”
Qi gulped. “Yes…?”
“The Annual Principal’s Meeting of Haidian District in Beijing, China,” said Wang.
“That’s amazing.”
“I got to sit in the front row,” Wang chuckled. “Again. For three years.”
“That’s wonderful, principal Wang.” Then seeing that Wang was still pausing as if waiting for something, she said, “I’m so honored to be part of one of the best education teams in China.”
“No, no, it’s our honor to have you, Qi,” said Wang. “Now, the Board of Director for Education was asking about how we became so…… magnificent, you see.”
“Ah, yes,” Qi said. “But honestly, principal Wang, I personally think it’s due to your generous leadership skills and immense patience.”
“Oh, Qi, you flatter me!” Wang chuckled again. “But no, you see, we always achieve big by starting small. So I told the board about the plants.”
“The plants?”
“Yes. The plants I gave for every class. The Dracaena trifasciata for each class.”
“Ah..”
“Ah is right! You get it, don’t you? Great mind for such a young teacher, Qi! The better the class can get the Dracaena trifasciata to live and prosper, the better the students can cooperate and study with persistence and skill, and better shall their grades become!” Wang now became so excited Qi could hear his feet tapping happily against the edge of his office desk. “It is the perfect way to make kids grow! Without brainwashing them with words! And with happiness!”
“That is,” Qi racked her brain to think of a word. “Very great.”
“Now you see, Qi,” Wang said. “I called you because they wanted to come in for an open class to see just how great our students are.”
“Um, about that, prin- I mean, Wang, uh------”
“Your class, Qi, your class, always had the highest grades, and the Dracaena trifasciata…… I could even imagine it growing into a tree!”
“A… A tree…”
“Ha! Qi! That’s a figure of speech! You young teachers, always so cautious and nervous around the older generation…… but we’re here to help you!” Wang took a very loud sip of tea. “But back to the point, I’m sure you’re always fully prepared, and you don’t need to change any of your teaching style------ no need to get nervous------- tomorrow about five teachers from the Board of Education will come over and watch you teach!”
“What? But-------”
“I know! Exciting, right? They’ll only watch for the first ten minutes, so just do whatever you usually do in class. I’m sure the kids and quiet, thoughtful, smart, yet interactive at the same time.”
“Principal Wang, I.. don’t believe my kids are exactly quiet.”
“So humble, Qi!” Wang let out a loud guffaw. “The best classes in this country, in the world, always include students who are quiet when they study but bright and active when they play. Look at class 8……. Look at all their grades! Those kids must have been fooling around every day!”
“But my kids…… They do fool around every day…….”
“Oh, so humble, so humble!” Wang laughed. “You made class 4 the best because they can quiet down when they need to, take responsibility when they want to, then play when they get home!”
“No, principal Wang, they DO play in class, and they disturb-------"
“Now, I don’t want any complaints, or backing down!” Wang scolded, took another sip of tea, and paused for a bit. “Let’s be humble, but not too humble, eh? Oh, and be sure to mention the Dracaena trifasciata in class, eh? We need small to achieve big. But be discrete.”
Qi was nearly on the verge of tears. “Principal Wang, the Dracaena trifasciata in our class, it’s-------”
“Nuh! Nuh-uh! None of that humbleness! I’ll be there tomorrow, too! I know you won’t let me down! See you!”
Then the old guy hanged up, leaving Qi crying silently in her office with her head in her hands.
After the last class of the day, Qi walked in the room as usual for the classroom cleanliness check-in, trying not to sniff in despair or let her puffy red eye shown.
Turns out she didn’t really need to worry about her crying face, because as soon as she walked in the classroom, a huge blob of cake landed in her face.
The kids, who were just laughing hysterically and screeching like wild hyenas, all turned completely silent, waiting for Qi’s reaction.
Huan was expecting Qi to lash out completely like the math teacher did at him, so he silently tried to pull his girlfriend behind him in a protective position.
Taylor thought Qi might just sigh and walk out of the room in despair, then walk back pretending nothing ever happened. It was what the English teacher did.
And because Qi’s a new yet gentle teacher, all of them thought she might give them a soothing lecture about how throwing cake on other peoples’ faces isn’t nice.
Nobody expected her to plop herself down on the floor and start wailing like a baby.
The kids all stared at her in shock. Lilac dropped her piece of cake on the floor.
“Why are you all doing this to ME?” Qi wailed. “Why??”
Qi wiped her face with her hands and smudged the frosting on the floor. “Why is this funny? Why is eating a Dracaena trifasciata funny? Why is the name ‘Mike Nicholas William Sarah Bob Ashley Coco Peter Piper Apple Banana Grape Nico Nico Nico Tao’ funny?”
Qi looked around the room, tears blurring her eyes but not enough for her to not recognize her kids. “Why can’t you wear your uniform pants, Oliver? Why do you HAVE to eat chicken wings every time you’re writing in class, Lisa? Why do you ALWAYS have to dump your basketball into the ROOF of our classroom and let the whole board shatter before sitting down in class, Sam?”
Taylor giggled.
“What am I supposed to DO with you people?” Qi wailed. “You ATE the Dracaena trifasciata and now Wang wants to SEE it! Your grades are so good but your behavior so… so… so…”
“Unacceptable?” Jacob butted in.
“Unacceptable! And now Wang’s coming in to see your Chinese lit tomorrow------- What am I supposed to DO------” And with that Qi started hiccupping and sobbing.
Helen and Lilac grabbed some tissues and started wiping Qi’s face. Ziyue grabbed a mop from the back of the classroom and started moping the frosting. Vivian went to the window and started to water the Dracaena trifasciata.
After a couple of minutes, Qi was too tired to cry. She sat on the floor silently watching her class clean up the room.
“Uh, Ms. Qi?” Huan said carefully. “You know you can just tell us that directors are coming in tomorrow, right? We all know how to behave.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah,” Oliver shrugged, his big body a bit sweating from wiping the sharpie marks off the desks. “Of course, we KNOW how to behave. The way you want, at least. We’ve been told to be quiet in every class ever since we were babies.”
“Then why aren’t you quiet in my class? In all the other classes, too?”
“We’re just saying if you want us to behave, we can,” Taylor said. “At least for tomorrow.”
Qi sat on the floor, quiet. The class all stopped to look at her.
“I guess……. The reason why I’m so devastated right now is because I guess a part of me don’t want you to change…….” Qi mumbled. “You all make me crazy…… But you’re all so…… bright and lively. And you’re all just being you.”
Ziyue let out a loud goose honk. “Bright! And lively! Look at that!”
“But------” Qi said.
The class groaned.
“The board is still the board.”
There was a five second pause.
“We can’t change anything, can we?” Jacob said. “In the end, no matter how much you like us, we still have to behave. Buy a new Dracaena trifasciata. Don’t show the one bitten by Jacob.”
Qi rubbed her eyes, then, with the help of Lilac, stood up shakingly and stared at Jacob, this time not scratching his face.
“Now? You can’t,” Qi said. “You still have to behave. Please, class. As much as I don’t want to, the board’s still the board. It’s only for tomorrow.”
Some of the kids started crying. Vivian stared at the wounded Dracaena trifasciata in thought. Qi then slowly walked to the back of the classroom, closing a couple of lights along the way.
“Go home. Have a good rest, kids. Look your best tomorrow. But,” she said as she reached the door. “In our society, at least now, you don’t have the power to bite the Dracaena trifasciata just out of fun and say you didn’t mean harm. However, you can, with your years of years of hard work, be in the board of directors one day…… and tell us all to not behave.”
She looked at the young, innocent, faces. This time she came prepared.
“I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”