Glitters, sparkles, shiny lips and hips and SMACK “you look so hot today darling”.

Sarah loves working at the club, putting on her work clothes which are more strings of fabric wrapping her curves, shimmering her skin and buttering it up, matching her make-up, nails AND heels. She’s still working on her wardrobe, but what she got as pass downs from older colleagues and from thrift shopping in the kid’s section is enough for her creative needs at the moment. What she’s missing though it’s how to pull it off: she has the clothes the attitude the body, but she still doesn’t know how to fucking perform on a pole, squat on those heels and graciously come up while making a sensual eye contact. Most of the time to complete a whole choreography she needs to bite the inside of her cheek and tense her muscles and fix her eyes on one spot on the ground- so she doesn’t lose balance. Once though she couldn’t resist and switched her favorite tile for the blue eyes of Markus, the youngest “usual” in the club. He’s one of those striking beauties, the ones you know since they’re three years old they’re going to break hearts. As Sarah stumbled around the stage in her white bunny costume, she knew her heart might be next.

Her dance turned out to be awful, as she walked behind the stage her boss even came to tell her “these are not the standards of our club, either you up your game or you're out!”. To which she replied by shaking her bunny ears in an up and down “yes sir”. But her heart didn’t sink in the risk of unemployment, rather, it led her through the couches and drinks and people. Swaying her hips, she collected the looks and judgements and one dollar bill the clients gave her. She didn’t care if her performance was shit, if they thought she wasn’t fit for that job, if they didn’t find her attractive. Oh screw them, she didn’t care about their pitying looks. The butterflies in her stomach were violently flying up to her throat, beating their wings against the walls of her belly. Sarah feared she might explode, covering the whole club in butterflies’ wings and fake bunny fur. As she approached Markus’ table, the butterflies got more and more intense, fast and violent, Sarah started losing the balance on her heels.

Because of the slippery floor, or because of the butterflies (it’s not relevant) Sarah fell bunny-tail to the floor. Bunny-tail to a spilled campari who stained her white costume with a dark rubin shape. “It looks like you got shot up in the ass little bunny!” commented a customer, a wrinkly divorcee who liked to wear too much cologne. Sarah took a deep breath before looking at him, replying with a kind smile that she hoped would keep her job.

A murmur distracted her from the list of insults she was collecting in her head. “You shined up there”. Sarah suspiciously turned towards the voice. Markus was smiling at her, she knew he was lying, but his tone comforted her and made the butterflies quiet down. “Don’t listen to those old turtles, you still look cute. Funny, but cute” and handed her 20 dollars. That’s when she remembered the Campari stain on her butt. “Oh shit I can’t work like this!”. Instead of butterflies now ants were crawling up her limbs, biting the edge of her ears as they crawled inside, insecurities insinuated her thoughts.

She must look miserable, god, so miserable. “Oh god, thank you- I mean sorry, I mean thank you, I need to change”. Sarah ran to the changing room, or at least she tried to, although her heels didn’t really allow her to move too fast. So, one little fast paced step at the time though, she closed the door behind her back.

The elderly strippers were smoking and laughing at her. “Cutiepie, did you fall in love?” questioned one. “Oh thank you Markus I’m sorry Markus I’m just a clumsy bunny Markus” mocked one in a high pitched voice. “You know you don’t have a chance with him right? I’ve been working him up for years now, you know he tips me the highest, he just pitied you out there. God you looked so awful up there. What were you trying to do shaking that tail? You thought you looked sexy? I was honestly embarrassed for you. I didn’t know if I should have been laughing or crying at points. Why are you here again? Didn’t your dad love you enough or something?”. The ants were now clasping her fingers, occupying her lungs, laying on her pupils. She couldn’t see nor breath nor move. A whole colony took over her body, even her intestines were itching from the turmoil of the little insects running up and down and biting her. “Hey little bunny, can you hear us? You’re pathetic!”. A voice echoed through the ants’ galleries.

Sarah doesn’t know if she fainted, or if somebody slapped her so hard she fell, or if she simply forgot about taking those steps out of the club. Point being, she opened her eyes and a street light was twitching in front of her. She remembered that one movie where somebody was communicating to their loved ones through street lights, morse coding their messages through the light. If only she stuck to the girl scouts as a kid! She would maybe be able to understand what the fuck was going on. Sarah realized she was cold. Fucking cold actually. She only had her costume on, a slim bra and slim underwear and bunny ears and awfully painful heels. For how long was she outside? The music was still pounding from the club, through the walls, into her head. Fuck it hurts. Fuck everythings hurts. I should go home, fuck the club. I should go home. Fuck Markus, jesus, why did I embarass myself so badly in front of him? I’m such an idiot. I should have just done the choreo and mind my business.

A door slams, the reverberation hits all the nerves in Sarah’s head.

“Hello funny bunny, fancy a cigarette?”