“We shouldn’t be doing this”
***********
The day started like every other one. Light from the sun pressed through the slightly closed shutters covering the window. The alarm rang out from the iPhone buried underneath the pillow.
Jasmine, with her eyes still welded shut, reaches her hand underneath the pillow and feels for the phone. She grabs it, rolls over to her back, and motions it to her face but loses her grip and drops it beside the bed.
“Shit”.
She rolls over and reaches for the phone, still trying to keep her eyes shut to hold onto the feeling of sleep. Grabbing the phone, she turns off the alarm and scrolls up to see her notifications.
2 text messages from Jay, her longtime boyfriend. A message from her mom and several messages from her group chat round out the night's activity. Rubbing her eyes, she responds to her mother before opening the group message.
“OMG are y’all sleep already” said Paige.
“Nah, I’m watching Netflix and doom scrolling “ replied Shawn.
“I’m on Call of Duty. What’s up. You already know Jas is sleep” typed John.
“Yeah she can’t hang… what we doing for lunch tomorrow” asked Paige.
“Man idk. Guess we’ll pick tomorrow” replied John.
“Aight y’all, I’m about to pull a Jas, and close my eyes. Im done scrolling” replied Shawn.
“Goodnight “
“Nite”
“Night”
Jas fires off a reply to the group chat.
“Not y’all calling it a Jas. I need all my sleep so I can clean up y’all messes. Shawn, you addicted to that phone. Paige, you be up all night and be late every day. And John you suck at Call of Duty anyway so y’all really didn't have a reason to be up all night!”
She texts Jay a good morning text before getting out of bed to get her day started.
She followed her normal routine. Brush teeth, wash face, exfoliate, shower, get dressed, and eat 2 eggo waffles before heading to work. It was a normal morning.
As she arrives at work, she observes that none of her friends has arrived yet. Jas is a Copywriter at a small advertising agency specializing in creative projects for digital and print formats.
She sits in the car for a second before turning the key and getting out. She starts her walk into the building and she notices a box of donuts on the table with a note that says
“Happy Friday. Enjoy 1 or 2 I’m not your boss…wait I am”.
She happily obliged and trotted to her desk to get some work done before her friends showed up to work. About 20 minutes later, they all fumble into the office one after the other.
First is Shawn. Followed by John. Last of all Paige waltzes into the office as if completely ignorant of her tardiness.
John exclaims, “THERE’S DONUTS IN THE KITCHEN.”
“You’re late again.” Jasmine zips back. “I’ve already had 2. Guess that’s another thing I beat you at.”
“You only won ONE time on Call of Duty, and I wasn’t even playing for real”.
“A win’s a win” Jas teases. “I guess I’m just better than you at everything”.
“Relax. Come through and you can get the rematch.”
“It’s Shawn’s turn to host so you’ll have to wait.”
“You can come whenever.”
“I’ll pass. I’m sure Jay wouldn’t want me in some guy house alone.”
“It’s not even like that. I have a girlfriend to remember. I’m just saying. “
“I’m just saying too, you just gotta wait for this L.”
Later the gang went out to lunch as they do every Friday. This week they chose the Mexican restaurant not far from the office. As they scooted in their booth, Shawn blasted out into the air that he would like a peach margarita on the rocks.
The table laughed and reminded him that there was still half a workday left in front of them. He returned that he would be fine and that he was just pregaming for the night’s festivities.
It wasn’t long before the waiter arrived with two fresh baskets of tortilla chips and salsa. As they plucked chips from the basket, Paige let out a deep sigh.
“When will these men act right!” She breathed.
Shawn joked that maybe she was the problem and not the other way around and Jas quickly arrived at her friend's rescue by saying that she was just looking in the wrong place.
Paige with raised eyebrows chimed, “Well tell me where to look, Ms. Igottheperfectman”.
***********
The man Paige was referring to was Jay Durand, Jasmine’s long-time boyfriend. High school sweethearts, Paige met Jay during her junior year in their French class. Jay had a very calm demeanor but he had a way of making everyone laugh. His presence just invited people in. Jay was an attractive man standing slightly above 6 feet with a slim but muscular physique.
Far from perfect in his eyes, Jay was a selfless character who put others in front of himself sometimes to his own detriment. Once during a toy drive in undergrad, the organization that Jay was partnered with was trending low of their goal. At the time Jay worked at the local auto parts store and his checks were far from big, but he gave his whole check to buying toys. He’d have to survive off of his campus card for the next week, but he didn’t seem to mind.
On the surface, Jay was the type of man that girls dream of. Handsome, thoughtful, and romantic. And to him, Jasmine was his whole world.
The two were trying the long-distance relationship thing as Jay accepted a job at a tech firm in Utah, while Jasmine took a job in South Carolina. Determined not to let distance stop them, Jay has been campaigning for remote work since he started. He planned to propose this year on the anniversary of the day his grandmother passed. His grandmother always said she hoped she lived long enough to see him give her great grandkids and he’d always quip that he had to be married before that happened. And she’d always joke that he needed to hurry up.
She passed away three years ago near the end of his junior year of college. Proposing on this day would be his way of honoring his grandmother.
***********
“He’s not perfect,” Jasmine whispered back.
“Damn near! If you don’t want him, I’ll take him.”
Jasmine laughed and told her best friend that she was good. As the table continued laughing and enjoying their food, John jokingly said, if he was perfect he would’ve proposed by now.
“What’s he waiting on, it’s been almost 10 years.”
Jasmine blushed and told the table that she didn’t know when he’d do it, but she had a feeling it’d be soon.
As she finishes her sentence, Jasmine feels disappointed. She wasn’t lying, she did think that it was coming soon, but she also was tired of waiting. It has been almost 8 years. They’ve been through so much and she’s made so many hints about wanting it. What was he waiting for? When would it be, really?
Paige chimes in as if to change the subject and assuringly says,” I’m sure it won’t be long now.
How are y’all though?”
Jasmine lets the table know that she and Jay are great, but she hates the distance. She lets them know that the distance is especially hard for them during this time of the year because Jay’s grandmother passed away three years ago tomorrow, and she wishes she could be with him to comfort him.
The table grows silent as everyone chews on their food, not sure what to say.
“Sorry for killing the mood! I can’t wait for this day to be over. I need to drink!” Jasmine announces energetically.
After work, as Jasmine is home changing clothes and getting ready for the night, she calls Paige on speaker phone. They talk about what they’re wearing and Jasmine asks if she should bring the Tequila that they left at her house the last time she hosted.
Not long after Jasmine groans that she doesn’t feel like driving and Paige offers to pick her up, Jasmine happily accepts and says she’ll pay Paige in Tequila.
Before they get off the phone, Paige asks Jasmine if she thought John was being weird today. Jasmine assures her that she didn’t think so. This is just how he always acts.
As they arrive at Shawn’s house Paige comments about how he can afford the house.
“Clearly you have a second job we don’t know about.”
Shawn chuckles and tells them that this is actually cheaper than renting an apartment.
Jasmine pulls the bottle of tequila from her purse and places it on the kitchen island. The group yells let’s get started!
As they take their second shot, there’s a knock at the door. It’s John. He shuffles in and jokes about how they got started without him. Jasmine pours a shot and hands it to him, telling him to catch up.
“I already beat you on the Xbox. Do I need to beat you at drinking too? I’m just good at everything”.
John smiles and takes his shot. He reaches for the bottle of tequila and holds it up in the air.
“This shit weak,” he said. “Let’s pull out the good stuff.”
He opens a cabinet above the dishwasher and pulls out a bottle of Gentleman Jack whiskey. He pours a shot. Looking at Jasmine, he tilts his head back and empties his shot glass into his mouth. As he drops his head with slightly watery eyes, he motions for Jasmine to pass him her glass.
With a muted grin, Jasmine slides her glass across the kitchen island and John fills it. Jasmine, who was positioned on the opposite side of the island, walks around until she is side by side with John and she picks up her glass. John, who has refilled his own, turns so that he is facing her and raises his glass for a toast. Jasmine turns toward him and taps her shot glass against his before quickly inhaling the liquid.
As it goes down, the liquor burns her throat causing her face to twist signaling her momentary discomfort. As John sees this, he smirks and whispers that he guesses he won this time. Jasmine smirking back contests his remark saying that she still drank it so this wasn’t a win.
John, backing off, offers an alternative. “The invitation is still open to get the rematch on the Xbox.”
Jasmine softly says no again and she turns to pour another shot.
At this point, Paige who has been talking to Shawn about some gossip nudges herself between the two. As they take their shot, Paige reminds Jasmine to drink some water, and Jasmine does. Shawn walks to the opposite side of the island and lays down a platter of wings that he’s had in the oven. The group digs in.
As they’re eating, Shawn fraudulently apologizes for not having games to play. Paige, still chewing, tells him that it’s fine and that it’s no fun playing games with Jasmine anyway because she’s too good.
Jasmine glares at John who meets her eyes and throws up his hands. “I’m telling you. You can get the rematch right now!”
Jasmine takes another shot and responds. “O-M-G! Since you’re so in a hurry to lose again, let’s go. But you have to take me home after I win.”
“Deal”.
The two gather their things and head toward John’s car, a charcoal gray Camaro with blue seat covers fitted on all of the seats.
The car ride takes about fifteen minutes. Throughout the entire ride, the two go back and forth trash-talking. Once they arrive, they walk up to John’s apartment and go in. Immediately inside the apartment is a small hallway that opens up to a spacious living room. On the wall opposite the door is a mounted TV with an Xbox Series X placed on a floating shelf beneath it. A LED light strip behind the TV radiates blue light down the wall.
There are two couches positioned in front of the TV in a L shape. There’s a longer couch and a loveseat with a gap between the two so that you can walk between them. Behind the long couch is the bar counter that shares a wall with the kitchen sink on the other side. A gap between the bar and the couch leaves space to walk through. John’s bedroom sits at the end of that walkway.
The two walk into the apartment and John makes a beeline for the Xbox. Grabbing a controller, he holds down the X button causing the Xbox to turn on. He grabs the other controller and hands it to Jasmine. Jasmine takes off her jacket and takes a seat on the loveseat positioned next to the TV. John walks around the longer couch and into the kitchen.
He pours two cups of crown apple and coke before returning to the living room. He hands Jasmine one of the cups and plops down on the longer couch. Jasmine’s feeling slightly tipsy and she wants to sober up a bit so she takes one sip before placing the cup down on the floor beside her feet.
“You ready to get your ass kicked again?” she teases.
“Bruh whatever”.
John turns on the game and they play, exchanging more trash talk before Jasmine eventually wins. John without a word presses rematch and they play one more time. They both stand up as if this helps them play better. This time John wins, and he jumps up in excitement. He’s screaming as he talks, clearly feeling the effects of the alcohol.
“I told you! I’m really like that! I’m really like that!” He repeats, moving closer to Jasmine before eventually he’s standing face to face with Jasmine and his face is inches from hers. His words and his energy have dried up as he looks at Jasmine. He slowly moves his face closer to hers.
Jasmine recognizing the moment doesn’t move initially. John continues inching closer until Jasmine can feel the heat from his lips. It’s as if gravity is pulling the two together, and she finally moves. She leans in meeting his lips with her own. Her lips are slightly parted as they begin kissing. About three seconds later, Jasmine feels John’s tongue pressing against her lip. Again she reciprocates by meeting him. John wraps his arms around her waist cuffing her butt and pulling her closer until she can feel his excitement below.
This goes on for what feels like 20 minutes but in truth, it is only about 1. As they approach the 60-second mark, John gently moves his hands toward the button on Jasmine’s pants. When she doesn’t swat his hand away or back away, he takes it as a green light and quickly unbuttons her pants. Kneeling down, he pulls her pants down and takes off her shoes.
Standing up again, he takes off his shirt, and returns to kiss her. As they kiss he motions her backward to the love seat where she lays back and he straddles over her. He slides his hand inside her panties. Feeling that she was aroused, he raises up and takes her underwear off tossing them behind him. He pulls his own bottoms off and he rubs himself against her. In one motion he thrusts inside of her and he repeats the motion.
As they’re going, Jasmine wraps her hand around the back of John’s head to guide him to a spot that she enjoys. As John’s head moves toward the spot, his tongue traces his path on Jasmine’s skin. She throws her head back in pleasure, and as she drops it again her eyes stop on the ceiling. Staring at the ceiling, her mind flashes to sex with Jay.
During sex with Jay, he always makes a joke about what she’s looking at. He asks her why she’s looking at him, and she responds with some version of What else am I supposed to look at? His response is always the same: “Close your eyes.”
At this point, it feels as if a kettlebell has been placed on her chest. A deep and heavy feeling of guilt and shame fall on her like a weighted blanket.
She moans we shouldn’t be doing this. John responds we shouldn’t.
She places her hand on his chest as if to push him away while whispering again we shouldn’t be doing this, and he draws in closer and harder. As if this is a game of cat and mouse, John interprets her words and her retreat as something to overcome.
She motions for him to get off of her, and he takes this as a change in position. As she gets up, she moves around the longer couch to grab her underwear, and he grabs her from behind, bending her over the back of the longer couch. Her hands fall onto the couch cushions below, knocking over a throw pillow with her left hand. Pressing down on the pillow beneath her, she no longer tries to push him away. She lets him finish.
As he finishes, she gets up and grabs her things and gathers her composure. She walks into the restroom and stares at herself in the mirror. She is disgusted with herself. She wonders what she has done. She thinks about if Jay will find out. She thinks about why she did it. Was she that drunk? She doesn’t feel drunk. Did she want it? Did she enjoy it?
She gets dressed and walks out where John is seated on the back of the couch. He’s put on underwear but nothing else. There’s a smirk on his face as he watches her return from the bathroom. He asks if she wants him to take her home now or would she like to stay.
Softly, she replies. “It’s fine I’ll get an Uber.”
“Hell no. Just stay here tonight. It’s late and I can take you home in the morning.”
“No, I’m fine. I promise.”
“You don’t need to get an Uber. I’ll take you.”
“No, it’s fine. I already called it “ she interrupts.
Standing from the couch, John walks to her and hugs her. Peeling back his head he looks down at her and leans in for a kiss. She again meets him. He kisses her forehead, and she looks down at her phone.
“My Uber’s here.”
Jasmine takes one look around the apartment to make sure that she’s not leaving anything and she walks out of the door.
She rides home silently and looks at her phone seeing 2 missed calls and 3 texts from Jay. She realizes that she hasn’t responded since just before they started drinking. She takes a deep breath and responds.
The next day she gets a knock at the door. It’s flowers and a note that says “You always held me down. And there’s nothing I could ever do to repay you but I hope these flowers are a start.
P.S. Make sure to put them in a vase. “
She walks back into her apartment half smiling. It’s not that she wasn’t happy about the flowers. It’s that she was still trying to untangle her feelings about last night.
Her phone vibrates with a message from John. Again she half smiles.
He asked if he got home safely. Before she can respond, he follows up with a joke about how he’s still behind by one win so he’d like a rematch.
She chuckles, grabs the vase on her counter, and takes the old flowers out. They are dead and should’ve been taken out a long time ago. She sweeps up the fallen leaves and petals and discards all of the old into the trash can.
As she unwraps the flowers new flowers to put them into the vase, a ring falls out onto the counter. The ring is gold with one big princess-cut diamond in the middle surrounded by smaller diamonds tracing the outside of the stone. It’s beautiful.
She gasps. Tears rush to her eyes and she immediately FaceTimes Jay. As the phone rings, she hears a knock at the door.
Still in shock, she absent-mindedly floats across the room toward the door. Jay still has not answered the phone. The call fails, and she unlocks the deadbolt on her door. She presses on Jay’s name again to call again, and as she does she opens the door. Eyes still trained on the phone she swings the door open. Finally, she looks up and standing in front of her are Paige, Jasmine’s parents, and Jay’s parents. She looks down and there is Jay on one knee.
She’s speechless. With tears in her eyes, her voice abandons her and she is unable to say a word.
Jay grabs the ring from her right hand and grabs her left hand.
“So will you marry me?”
