"Would you like to read this up before our next chat. Or I am happy to run you through it as well, if that's easier", she said.

Something about that "or" stood out. It didn't feel like she wanted me to pick one option over another. It even seemed like she would be open to a whole another option. It basically lowered the tension in the room and opened it up a little bit. It felt inviting in a nonchalant way.

Oh don't get me wrong not everyone who says "or" means that-- sometimes there's definitely a passive aggressive preference for one option over the other, somehow it's a test you know you can't win; or sometimes, especially in British workplaces, it feels like the polite thing to do, but then when someone picks you up on your least-liked option, you instantly resent that person even if just a little bit?

But even so, "or" is beautiful. Unlike an "and" that expects you to deliver the sun and the moon and then some more, unlike the "neither" that just quietly disapproves of every option you came up with and almost covertly the options that you haven't yet thought of or articulated either... "or" doesn't demand, doesn't seek to control, doesn't seek certainty...

And for that reason, it takes immense competence to utter "or". It's only when you're truly competent to deliver or work with either option on the list, it's only when you have some amount of flexibility in your being, it's only when you are open to more than one "right answer", can you even utter an "or".

Although it is such a tiny thing that often when someone utters an "or" they don't realise it! So, in a way it's almost a subconscious revelation of how confident and comfortable we are with ambiguity in a certain space. Maybe I say "or" more in my personal life because I couldn't care less. Or maybe I say "or" more in my professional life because I don't think I have the security to demand more or demand specific things.

To be fair, neither of those utterances of "or" are great. However, I still think "or" that comes from a place of psychological security and deeply caring can be a beautiful thing. What do you think? When have you said "or" more? Do you find others uttering "or" as liberating as I do? Or am I overlooking some other non-nice reasons people might say "or"? Or as a classic overthinker, am i just overthinking this too much? After all, isn't it just an "or".