London, a foggy day.
In his regular morning walk, he could feel the lethargy, the laziness, the dysania (an interesting word, isn’t it – meaning the unwillingness to get out of bed) all around. Oh, even mother nature has a day like this!
The fog was so thick that it seemed impossible to see anything more than few meters in front of him. So he had no choice but to pay close attention, otherwise who knows what’s gonna happen.
Suddenly a smile’s brought to his face. Walking towards him was a mother-daughter pair. Strangely and … shamefully, it’s not the cuteness of the little girl that brighten his face … but the beauty of the mother instead. With very little makeup, the smartness reflecting in her alert sparkling eyes, and a kind charming smile, she always makes his heart pump harder every time they happen to cross each other. They never talked, except from a little “Good morning” exchange. He doesn’t even know her name.
Sometimes he couldn’t help but wonder, whether in another universe, they could have a chance to meet earlier in life.
And …
Oh, the thoughts of a typical nerd!!!
But the emotion is sometimes strong enough to frustrate him.
Why? Why life has to make it like that, that the most attractive person to him is someone who’s happy in another life, with another person. That he knows it’s unacceptable to even think about something, but still that desire, that emotion is so real, so strong, to plainly ignore and move on.
Shaking his head, another thought popped up to his mind: “That makes knowing who God chooses for you is not that bad, right Michael? Even if it’s such a damn tough case as yours”. Smiling enigmatically in disbelief, he shook his head: “Oh, I’m thinking about that book again!”.
Yes, “Redeeming Love” has such a powerful impact on him. One of the rare books that are able to exhaustively and sophisticatedly describe the depth of our psychological world, the world that might even be as rich as the whole universe.
Redeeming love tells a story of Sarah/Angel, a harlot, with a condemning life of suffering from very young age. Even her father doesn’t want her to be born. Being raped and used from childhood, the only way she could continue life is to build wall after wall inside, so that the little soul could never be touched by all these sickening odious activities men do to her.
To be honest, he’s never read any book that could reveal these layers, these walls so vividly like that - to show how difficult it is for such a person, with such a miserable life, to regain the ability to feel, to be touched, and to love.
Sometimes, we really don’t know how blessed we are, just to be normal...
(To be continued)
