Broken Homes / Chapter 1
I take a moment to light a cigarette, I desperately needed some peace. I place the cig between my lips and light it, inhaling a long, hard hit.
"I don't give a f*ck! What have I got to lose?" I hear my mother rage downstairs.
I roll my eyes.
Opening the window, exhaling a puff of smoke out. I noticed the droplets of rain gently hit the glass, each falling as if it had its own designated place.
Mother Nature is full of powers, powers beyond the human fathom.
A heavy slam of the front door shook my room, interrupting my observation.
Quick footsteps pace up the stairs, I rush to put out my cigarette on a small plate and throw the remains and it's residue out the window.
A firm but useless knock on my door, as my father opened it without my say so.
He sniffed as he walked in, the smell of burnt tobacco was still potent.
"Why do I smell smoke? Have you been smoking?" Stepping closer as he interrogates me.
My father was a violent alcoholic, I feared his expression of anger alone. He'd hit my mother and I, drunk or sober, a minuscule reason was enough for him to strike at us.
"No... I haven't." I respond, panicking.
I felt a hot, burning sensation across my cheek, holding my face in pain.
"Don't f*cking lie to me, Sophia! Do you hear me?!"
Still, I cover my cheek with my hand. I didn't cry anymore. I grew accustomed to his abuse, family arguments, my mother walking out on us. I adapted, like we all do.
My Sisters Keeper / Chapter 2
My little sister, Aliyah, was like my guardian angel. Our father would show a little mercy when she was around.
As my father exited the room, there she was, waiting quietly at the door.
Although our mother and I told her to not walk in if she hears any chaos, no matter how we try to protect her innocence, she was well aware of our circumstance.
She carried her little book bag, wore puffy pink coat and loosely tied trainers, just as usual, she managed to get ready by herself.
"Are you okay?" She asked, running to me.
"Yeah, let's get you to school."
She placed her tiny palm over my red cheek.
"It's ok." She said softly, brushing her hand against my face.
She reminds me of myself when I was her age, comforting me like I'd comfort our mum years ago. And me, I'm just like my mother, withholding my tears and refusing to break down.
•••
We headed out to school, London's eerie breeze and busy people was a nice atmosphere, to me anyway. The clouds were light grey vastly covering the blue sky. Wether I liked gloomy weather or if I'm just conditioned to it couldn't be distinguished. I think both, possibly.
Passing the local pub brought feelings of resentment, if it were never open, if my father never worked here, he wouldn't of been an alcoholic. He was bartender, for several years, constantly being surrounded by alcohol and drinking customers 24/7 wouldn't be a good idea for anyone, let alone someone like my dad. This is where it began, and I sometimes wonder when it'll all end.
A Mothers Role / Chapter 3
“How was school today?" I asked Aliyah.
"It was good, parents evening is coming up." She announced, swinging her lightly packed book bag.
I really hoped that Aliyah's parents evening fell onto one of mums good days, where she's stable and not so bi-polar.
We reached home, as I open the door the strong stench of alcohol hit my nostrils. Dad must of drank himself into a coma. We step in to see cans of beer and vodka bottles scattered around his feet, as he sat there open-mouthed on the sofa.
If I'm honest, drinking himself to sleep was a good thing. He couldn't harm us that way. It's like he wasn't even here, nothing could wake him other than his bodies own accord.
"Where's mummy?" Aliyah asked, nibbling on sweets we bought after school.
"Probably out food shopping, I'll call her."
I dialled her number, knowing mum she doesn't usually answer her calls.
'Please leave a message after th-' I hanged up.
She'll text back eventually.
Opening the cupboard, I search for a clean empty glass to pour myself some juice. I look through the cupboard startled. I open the draws, scan around the kitchen... They were all gone. All of mum's medication. Every last bottle.
I reach for my phone to call her again.
An instant message popped up: 'gone for a few days to clear my head at grandma's, everything is ready for Aliyah, including lunch, love you X'
I knew she would be gone for more than a few days. But, I didn't want to argue. For the sake of both of us. So, I let it be.
I doubted her love and sometimes, though. I don't think she'd leave two kids at home if this was really love. But, a part of me understood that she's not okay... Although, neither am I.
"When's mum coming back?" Aliyah asks, confused.
"Uh, soon. She's gone to grandma's."
"Will you come to my parents evening, then?"
"Yeah, 'course I will." I said, flashing a smile.
Autumns Atmosphere // Chapter 4
I woke up to the slight cold autumn air, breezing gently through my curtains and onto my exposed arm.
I slipped my arm back into my warm and cozy atmosphere under the duvet, it reminded me of how much I adored the autumn season.
I remembered my mothers theory:
'Everything in nature that once blossomed comes to an end in October. The leaves and flowers die, grass becomes withered. It matches your dark and depressive persona.'
Although as blunt as it sounded, it was true. Nature dies out and wastes away and it related to me perfectly.
It's interesting, though. If anything I felt synchronised with nature, like a universal oneness.
I snapped out of my thoughts, I've ended up thinking too deeply again. I rub my tired eyes as I try to find the energy to get up and ready, knowing that another dim day awaits me.
I stumble into the bathroom to brush my teeth, hearing the faint speech of cartoons on TV coming from Aaliyah's room.
Kids. Such early birds, I bet she's been up for at least an hour.
I place a timid knock on Aaliyah's door, and pop my head through.
"Morning!" I said, smiling with enthusiasm.
Immersed in her cartoons, it took a few seconds for her to respond.
"Morning" She said, tilting her focus towards the TV.
I sat beside her and took a brief look at the TV, I wasn't even sure what this show was called... All the familiar 90's cartoons were long-gone.
"What do you wanna do today?" I ask Aaliyah, crossing my legs towards her.
I really wanted to get out of the house, Saturday was best spent outside. Away from Dad's drunken antics and Mum's absence.
"Can we go to the big park?" Questioned Aaliyah.
The 'big park' is a huge field and a pond, with a smaller playground with swings and such. It was beautiful and actually a tourist attraction. Lucky enough to be a mile away from it.
"Yeah, I'll let you get ready. I'll be downstairs if you want any help."
Aaliyah nodded as I got up and left the room.
As I step downstairs, I glanced at dad. Still in a drunken sleep.
He probably used Friday night as an excuse to drink on his own. He's at his worst when he's sobering up, more of a reason why I wanted to go out for the day.
•••
As soon as we were out in the open, we were greeted by the large apple tree near our home, intact with sparse autumn leaves and most diminishing on the surrounding grass.
Crunching of the leaves under the soles of our shoes, Aaliyah's little legs was rushing through the harvest, excited as can be.
We brought bread with us to feed the ducks, we both enjoyed doing so.
Aaliyah rushed to my plastic bag that carried the bread.
"Lemme feed a slice to the pigeon!" She demanded, as she helped herself to grab a piece.
She chucked the slice with such force, swinging her entire upper body and arm. It didn't get very far though. Bless her.
"Good try, love." I laughed, handing her another portion of bread.
The birds flocked in fifties, all fighting for the piece on the floor and the other in Aaliyah's hand.
Aaliyah shrieked and ran away so fast, still gripping onto the bread.
"Drop it, Aaliyah!" I laughed even harder.
My mobile cut off my laughter, I received a text.
Mum: Come home, emergency.
"What?" I whisper to myself.