Discovering romantic feelings for someone can be a whirlwind of emotions, especially when those feelings are not reciprocated. I recently found myself in a similar situation, grappling with the unexpected realization that I had developed a crush on a friend. It was such a weird feeling for me, since I am not the type to easily develop feelings toward a person. But that is a story for another time. Skipping ahead to a week after that day, I told my friend I liked him, and he told me he doesn’t feel the same way. I was dumbstruck and sad, and that’s when I experienced my first heartbreak. It was one of the most painful feelings I have ever had in my life, and as a newcomer to this situation, I felt confused and hurt, not knowing what to do.
Here are some things to consider that might help you feel better during these challenging times:
1. Stop punishing yourself and accept.
Some people try to resist the pull of love because they feel ashamed or vulnerable. Trust me, I understand that sentiment all too well. When those emotions intensified, I found myself overwhelmed with fear, unsure of how to proceed. Countless worries consumed my thoughts: what if he doesn’t feel the same way, what if he distances himself, what if I jeopardize our friendship?
But let me share a fundamental truth: there are emotions within us that we can influence, and there are those beyond our control. Liking someone is one of those natural, human experiences that falls into the latter category. So, don’t punish yourself for these emotions; it’s not your fault. If he or she fails to comprehend that and decides to distance themselves from you, it's their decision. You deserve someone who appreciates the genuine affection you have to offer.
Yes, the pain of unrequited love can be excruciating, but it's also the powerful essence of LOVE. Embrace it! Celebrate it! Revel in the experience while it lasts. Instead of fixating solely on the heartache, focus on the beauty of love itself – the warmth, the joy, and the connection it brings. Remember, amidst the challenges, love also has the ability to transform and enrich our lives.
2. Tell yourself to not give up.
In my case, my crush wasn't reciprocating my feelings, but he was willing to let me try. Initially, his responses were brief, and he always came up with excuses. Naturally, this made me feel disheartened and embarrassed, questioning why I was persisting when he clearly didn't share my feelings. I started to doubt myself, thinking I was just a foolish girl for attempting when I knew I would likely fail anyway. However, reflecting on my past experiences, I realized that life doesn't always give you what you want. There were instances when I desired something deeply but ended up falling short. It was undeniably painful, but I understood that I had given my best, and the outcome was beyond my control. I didn't want to regret not trying, so I resolved to enjoy the process. I firmly believe that effort always pays off in the end.
There were moments when I questioned if I was wasting my time trying to get close to him and getting to know him, only to end up falling for someone who didn't reciprocate my feelings. However, I believe that every experience teaches us something valuable. In everything we do, there is inherent value and lessons to be learned. Through this situation, I learned the importance of persistence. When we persist and push ourselves to keep trying, we eventually see results. It might not happen immediately, but I firmly believe that hard work always pays off. Strangely, my motivation grew stronger as I pursued him. (Tips: Please don't make it obvious to him/her; but keep to yourself that you tried hard for him/her)
3. There will be another one better for you.
As it was my first crush, heartbreak, and experience with romantic feelings, it may feel like finding another person is going to be challenging. Questions constantly plague my mind, such as, what if I don't find someone like him again? What if I never meet anyone compatible? What if I never develop feelings for anyone again? What if I'm not capable to find love? These dreadful thoughts about the future haunt me.
Well, here's the good news, girl: there are more than 7 billion people in the world right now. And if you're concerned about being single, you could always connect with friends who are in the same situation as you and grow old together. It's better to prioritize your own happiness than to marry just for the sake of it and avoid the fear of dying alone.
4. Believe in yourself.
No one wants to feel the pain of heartbreak. No one wants to waste their time crying over a guy. In my initial days, I felt so unproductive because the only thing I could think about was him. When he doesn't reply to my messages, I find myself scrolling through my phone for a long time, even though I'm not typically a phone person. But believe that even though you are feeling down right now, there will be a time for you to get back on your feet and start again. We are stronger than we think we are. And guess what? You will emerge even stronger than you were before.
5. Pamper yourself!
Be nice to yourself; ask yourself out on a date and shower yourself with gifts. Just know that if the person you liked doesn't reciprocate your feelings, in the end, you still have yourself. Take yourself out on a date, try out the best cake in town, buy that book you always wanted, and don't be too hard on yourself.
6. Ease it with the productivity.
When I first experienced heartbreak, every time I felt sad and just wanted to sleep or cry in bed, I pushed and pushed myself to be productive, but it didn't work. I cried and felt frustrated for not being able to finish my work. In the end, I just let it be and allowed myself to go through the process. I cried a lot, slept a lot (thank God it was the weekend!), and ate a bowl of ice cream. After all those emotions were flushed out, I felt a sense of relief, and I was ready to start anew.
I am someone who easily tears up; I cry over everything. However, I never see crying as a sign of weakness. I view it as natural as peeing. When you have too much to drink, you end up needing to pee, right? It's the same with crying. When you have a lot of emotions and the emotional walls are finally breaking down, it's easier to just cry and let it all out. Afterward, you can try again and not just attempt to cover up your feelings and hold them all in.I recognize that not everyone has the luxury of taking time off. There's always work to be done, and I salute those of you who manage to deal with it despite the challenges.
Well, that is my experience with my first heartbreak. I truly cheer for everyone falling in love out there and encourage you to express your feelings and celebrate this truly amazing emotion! And if you need a shoulder to cry on, don´t hesitate to ping me