When I was exploring in t2 world about what to write, I saw this prompt and decided to venture into it. I'll start by defining loneliness. According to the RAE:

f. Voluntary or involuntary lack of company. Synonyms include isolation, retreat, abandonment, incomunication, separation, neglect, confinement, closure, banishment.

f. Deserted place, or uninhabited land.

f. Sadness and melancholy felt due to the absence, death, or loss of someone or something. Synonyms include melancholy, sadness, nostalgia, longing, melancholia.

Reading the definitions, I couldn't help but feel melancholic, remembering all the times I've felt completely alone, even when surrounded by people. And I'll start with the story of my first pregnancy. My first child's arrival would be in the midst of the Covid pandemic. I remember feeling panic about getting infected, and I couldn't understand where that feeling came from when I was very fearless. Later, I realized it was because of hormones, and my imbalanced brain made me experience new emotions. My partner was a good companion; I remember he cared a lot about the pregnancy, even more than me. However, the feeling of loneliness was weighing on me. This leads me to the second definition proposed by the RAE, "Deserted place." Because even though I was living, everything felt foreign to me. Happiness was temporary, and every day I struggled to feel okay, but I couldn't. As the pregnancy progressed, I was in total isolation, with the most outgoing thing I did being participating in my online classes.

My family visited me a couple of times, many of my childhood friends didn't even message me. Then I began to feel a transformation in my soul; I felt it was fading, and I cried alone. I was angry and couldn't control myself or focus on my daily routine. Reflecting on it, I can remember how lonely I felt. The times when having my baby inside me wasn't enough to make me feel accompanied. Now I understand that this was due to my new stage that I didn't fully understand or accept, going from being an autonomous girl to being responsible for another life. If you ask me the origin, it's because as a child, I dreamed that when starting my family, I would be surrounded by my tribe, the people who were very close to me would be involved in the process, asking how I am, how I feel, how the baby is, but obviously, it wasn't like that. And I will tell you that it is indispensable because there are many things you have no idea if they are normal or not in pregnancy. I felt lost; I read a lot about how to be a good mom and how to successfully face pregnancy and childbirth preparation. None of that worked because I would break down at any moment. I would look around, see my house, and there was no one, not even feeling confident enough to communicate with someone to say that I wasn't doing well. I just stayed lying on the bed, curling up and